Awkward
by SableUnstable
Summary: "I want to have s** with you!" he blurted loudly and then froze, groaning when Jasper's fingers stilled and his eyes widened in surprise. "Oh God. Christ almighty. Sorry, sorry, please ignore that, I tend not to have a filter when I'm nervous. It's just you make me... you make me so... damn it. I'll go now, shall I?" M rated, AH/AU/OOC, SLASH. Written for I am the Color of Boom.
1. Chapter 1

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight franchise. Though when you think about it, I've changed so much in this, I guess the only thing it really has in common with canon are the character names…

 **Chapter One**

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 **A/N - Gift fic for the awesome and amazing _adVENTitiious_! Hope it's up to your standards! And just in case all you lovely readers didn't catch it in the summary, this is AH/AU and ALL characters in this story are OOC. You have been warned. Right, enjoy and do let me know what you think! :)**

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"Are you sure about this?"

Edward Masen-Cullen stood at the edge of First Beach, a full parking lot behind him, the patchy, scraggly grass beneath his white trainers scuffed from the many feet that had recently trampled through the area. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his light-wash jeans and his green eyes surveyed the swaying bonfire in the distance warily, the numerous dark figures surrounding the dancing flames upping his trepidation. His question was swallowed by the wind blowing across the wet sand and turning the sea into choppy waves crashing against the shore. It really wasn't the best night to have a party on the beach, in his opinion.

"Sure I'm sure about this. And so are you."

A slight smile tugged at the corner of Edward's lips at the confident, upbeat statement. At least he didn't have to face this alone. No doubt that if he _had_ had to, he wouldn't have even made it out of the house. The smile died at the thought, nerves making him shift on the spot, spear a hand through his thick, darkly red hair and tug at the bottom of his forest-green woollen sweater that, according to the girl next to him, made his eyes look so deeply green everyone would think he had gemstones instead of pupils.

Of course, he'd pointed out that having gemstones instead of pupils really wouldn't be a good thing, would it, as how would he be able to see? That comment had earned him a groan and a smack in the shoulder, to which Edward had frowned in confusion and annoyance as he'd rubbed the bound-to-be-forming bruise. His best friend seemed to do that a lot around him. Groan and hit him, that is. He wasn't entirely sure why, though it probably had something to do with how literal and oftentimes analytical he was. Most jokes and common sayings flew right over his head.

Laughter filtered across the beach, the punch of a bass underlying it, and Edward bit his bottom lip, wire-framed glasses slipping down his sweaty nose. There were a lot of people on the beach, Forks residences and La Push alike. People he hadn't seen in a year. People he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to see. Edward swallowed and shifted from foot to foot, wanting nothing more than to turn around, get back in the car and retreat to safety. If it hadn't been for the fact that he knew _he_ was there, and that there only had a couple of days before the new school year started, meaning he was very quickly running out of time…

"So we going or what?"

Oh yes. She wouldn't let him escape either, would she?

"It's a high school party," Edward pointed out a little desperately, clearing his throat when his voice cracked. Jesus. He couldn't do this.

"So?" came the answer, amusement in the tone, "it's not like there's going to be a college party in these parts anytime soon. And you _know_ that there isn't just high school students down there."

Edward shook his head and turned, his fingers tapping rapidly against his thigh in his pocket, and seeing the movement, Bella Swan turned as well, pushing back her long brown hair as it blew in her face.

"The La Push kids don't like me," Edward said, words rushing from his mouth, "they never have. Well, it really only one person that definitely doesn't like me, but the others have never said anything different. I'm boring and weird and they won't want me there. It's best if we just go home. Let's go home, yes? It's too cold, and it won't be any fun, and-"

A hand over his mouth halted his rambling.

"Hey. Calm down. We're not here for the La Push kids. We're here for one reason and one reason only, and isn't that reason good enough to ignore the dickheads? Do you really want to leave now and regret it for the next year or quite possibly longer?"

"No," Edward mumbled from behind her hand, shoulders sinking. Bella nodded and removed her gag, and her companion sighed and glanced over at the bonfire again, his gaze searching and stopping on honey-blond curls reflecting in the light of the fire. Though the rest of him was still in shadow, Edward had imagined running his fingers through that hair so often that he could pick his curls out even at a distance. He stomach knotted. "It's just… what of he laughs in my face?"

"Is he the type of person who would do that?"

"No," he murmured again, a thought niggling in the back of his brain that a kind rejection would somehow be worse than a cruel one. He rolled his shoulders against the thought and rocked back on his heels.

"So what are you worried about? He's leaving in a few days, Edward, just like we are, so even if he does turn you down, you won't need to see him again. This is your last chance to act on something that you've wanted for seven years. It could be your only chance. Don't let fear make you waste it."

Affection for his best friend and fellow MIT student bloomed in his chest, and taking strength from that, Edward straightened, turned to her again and blew out a breath. "Okay, you're right. We'll go to the party."

"Yay!" Bella cheered, making Edward frown a little at her enthusiasm. "Let's get down there before you change your mind!"

She grabbed his hand and tugged him down onto the beach, the soft sand pressing under the soles of their shoes. Her hand stayed wrapped firmly around his as they approached the group, and not for the first time Edward silently thanked whoever others chose to believe in that Bella had agreed to come stay with him and his family for the summer. He'd met the bright, chatty girl at the beginning of the year when he'd been given the wrong information and had ended up thinking her dorm room was his. Of course, he'd insisted his info _couldn't_ be wrong, as it had been sent to him _officially_ , and it was only after the mix-up had been cleared up that he had hot-tailed it out of her dorm with a red face and not a little irritation at a system that had failed him.

Bella, however, had for some reason decided she'd liked him and had actively sort him out the following day. She'd kept seeking him out, constantly getting in his way, until he'd woken up one morning thinking that he really needed to tell her a story he'd thought she'd appreciate and realized that he considered her a friend.

As the year had gone on, she'd gone from _friend_ to _best friend_ , something he'd never had before. He loved her. Platonically of course – a fact that had made her chuckle and pat his shoulder indulgently when he'd panicked one day and blurted that he was gay so couldn't possibly have sex with her – but he loved her all the same.

They'd had a good summer. They'd spent much of it either relaxing at home watching movies, or being tourists in Port Angeles and Seattle, and they'd only gone into Forks occasionally when his mother had made them – or more accurately, made _him._ Edward hadn't had the best middle and high school experiences, so hadn't been all that sad to leave the small town and head to Massachusetts. He'd been quite content not to run into any of his old school mates over the summer.

That is until Bella had found out about the crush Edward had had since he was twelve years old.

Jasper Hale. The bonfire loomed in front of them and Edward's eyes sort out those honey curls again, his heart picking up speed. The man was standing back on the other side of the fire talking to Emmett McCarty, a red cup in his hand, looking as outrageously attractive as ever in dark, loose-fit Levi's and a faded blue sweatshirt. Jasper had lived across the road from Edward ever since Carlisle and Esme Cullen had adopted Edward and he'd moved into their home. His biological parents, Edward and Elizabeth Masen, had died when a bus had ploughed into their car when he was six. After that, he'd lived in a group foster home for five years and four months until he'd gotten on the wrong side of a couple of bullies and had ended up under Dr Carlisle Cullen's care in hospital as a result.

He still didn't understand what he'd said to the boys to set them off, but then again, he didn't care all that much now either. It had gotten him a second set of parents who loved him and that was all that mattered.

He'd first noticed Jasper a week after moving into the house. The boy had been sitting on his front step screwing a wheel back onto his skateboard, and his even-longer-back-then curls had been hanging in his face. Edward had cocked his head and stared, for some reason unable to help himself. Jasper must have sensed the attention because he'd looked up, and Edward had found himself looking into curious brown eyes, blond hair falling over his forehead and just brushing his eyelashes.

For the first time in his life, Edward had felt a strange tingling tension in his stomach. When Jasper had gotten to his feet, his body stretching out, Edward's eyes had widened and the foreign tingle had grown. Heating and spreading, it had rushed through him, making it hard to breathe, and Edward had abruptly turned and fled back into the house, confused and a little frightened.

His first ever wet dream that night hadn't helped that confusion at all.

Despite a common first impression, Edward wasn't stupid. He'd known what it'd meant. He'd known what dreaming about a boy kissing him, a boy touching him, a boy putting his hands down his pants and feverishly stroking him had meant. But he was weird anyway, with being an orphan, and not understanding everyday humour, and really liking numbers and science and learning in general. He didn't want to add liking his own sex to the already long list. So he done his best to ignore both Jasper and those different feelings; feelings had had popped up whenever he'd seen his across-the-road neighbour, and feelings that had become impossible to deny when Edward had gone to high school and had been in the same educating system as two-years-older boy for the first time.

Maybe it was the fact that Edward had been so standoffish with Jasper at first that had led to no familiarity developing between the two boys beyond being polite to the person you lived on the same street with, once Edward was in high school. Maybe it was the fact that Edward hadn't been popular at all, considered strange and a nerd by most of Forks High, while Jasper had been very popular. Maybe Jasper just hadn't liked him altogether. Whatever the reason, Edward's very few conversations with the other man had only ever consisted of small talk, stilted and forced by their parents during dinner invites.

That was something Edward really, _really_ wanted to change.

Those different feelings had never gone away. Or to be more specific, those different feelings for _Jasper_ had never gone away. As the boy had turned into a man, he'd only grown more attractive, and Edward had spent many a night with his hand wrapped around his cock, imagining Jasper's hand, Jasper's _mouth,_ and coming hard to the images his brain had produced. It was debilitating, wanting someone so much, especially when you _only_ wanted that someone. Even Jasper leaving for college and then Edward doing the same two years later hadn't alleviated his infatuation, and it was getting rather ridiculous.

How was he supposed to accept and embrace who he was if he saw sexy curls and imagined dark, burning eyes whenever he looked at a man? He desperately wanted to know the heat of touch, and that wasn't going to happen if he continued to compare ever set of shoulders, every torso and back, every groin to Jasper Hale's. If he ever had a chance of moving on, he needed to know that there was absolutely nothing for his hormone-ridden body to cling to back home.

In essence, he needed to throw himself at Jasper's feet and have the man say yes or no, once and for all.

That was what that night was about. And fuck, was he terrified. He'd never put himself on the line like he intended to, especially not in front of people whom he didn't particularly like. But as Bella had said, they only had a couple of days before they went back to Massachusetts and Jasper went back to whatever college he attended (Edward had deliberately chosen _not_ to find out where Jasper had picked, afraid that it'd influence him too much if he knew), and considering it had taken his best friend practically all summer to convince him to take the chance, it really was now or never.

Do it now or regret it later. He grimaced and followed Bella as she led him around the fire, stopping at a right angle to Jasper, furthest away from the ocean and right in front of a long picnic table covered in red cups. She bypassed the open bottles of liquor and reached into a cooler filled with rapidly melting ice, handing Edward a long-necked bottle of beer. Edward took it automatically and then frowned down at it.

"We're underage."

Bella grinned. "I know. You can have one, Edward. Trust me; it'll help with the nerves."

"Really?" he asked hopefully, his unease at breaking a rule fading when Bella nodded, still grinning. He pursed his lips, then slowly twisted the top off and took a gulp. The bitter, yeasty taste hit him immediately and his face screwed up. Bella laughed.

"Yeah, it takes a bit of getting used to. You'll probably like a lager better; it's not quite as strongly flavoured-"

"Edward? Edward Cullen?"

Both Bella and Edward turned at the nasally voice and Edward blinked at the skinny blonde standing in front of him. Lauren Mallory hadn't changed much in the year since he'd last seen her. Her hair had grown long again, stopping halfway down her back, but apart from that, he couldn't see any differences. She still wore needle-thin high heels, scandalously short skirts and far too much makeup.

Although, come to think of it, the lack of a sneer on her face was decidedly different. Edward blinked again.

Why was she talking to him?

"Um, Lauren. Hello."

"It _is_ you!" she squealed, leaping forward to strangle him in an overly enthusiastic hug. Edward choked and tried to pull away, but her arms were like limpets. "I _thought_ it was! It's so good to see you! I love what you're wearing! You're looking _really_ good."

She purred that last part right in his ear, body pressed against his, and even Edward couldn't misunderstand such blatant signals. Bewilderment replaced his surprise. _It's only a sweater and a pair of jeans. Why is she acting_ _so out of character?_ His brows folded inward and he tugged at her arms again.

She clung as if superglued. Edward began to panic.

"Honey, who's this?"

Relief lanced through him when Lauren stiffened at the cheerful voice and then pulled back, that familiar sneer finally in place. Bella stood by Edward's side and smiled while Edward cleared his throat and tried to pull himself together. He didn't particularly like being touched unless it was his parents or Bella, or he'd initiated or invited it.

"Isabella Swan, Lauren Mallory," he muttered. Bella held out her hand to shake. Lauren gave her a rapid once-over, sniffed and took it, holding only Bella's fingers.

"How do know Edward?" the platinum blonde asked, and Edward frowned at the rudeness of the question. Bella just continued to smile.

"I'm his friend," she replied. Lauren's eyes narrowed, obviously hearing more in the answer than Edward heard, and going by the glint in Bella's eyes, there was definitely more to hear. Lauren sniffed again and looked back at the baffled male of the trio.

"Right. It's great to see you again, Edward. I'll be here most of the night if you want to spend some time in _different_ company."

She turned and sauntered off, the surrounding teenagers giggling and whispering, and Edward turned to Bella with a frown.

"What just happened?"

"What are you more confused about, the fact that she was a lot friendly than I'm guessing she's ever been before, or what happened afterwards?" his friend asked, grinning again. Edward flushed and shifted on the spot.

"I, um, figured she was… ah…"

"Coming on to you? Yeah, she was."

"Shut up," Edward muttered, scowling at the laughter in her tone. "But what did you tell her that I didn't pick up on?"

Bella shrugged. "I gave her the impression that I was your girlfriend," she answered, taking a swig of her beer. Edward's mouth fell open.

"What?" he yelped, eyes flying across the bonfire in a panic, a jolt running through him when for the second time in his life he met curious brown eyes. He quickly turned back to his companion. "Why'd you do that for? Now everyone's going to think I'm heterosexual! He's going to think… Bella! You've ruined it!"

"No I haven't and calm down," Bella chuckled, shaking her head. "God, trust you to freak out over people thinking you're straight instead of gay _._ I haven't ruined it. I've just stopped bottom feeders like Lauren Mallory getting in your way tonight. Now, drink your beer and go talk to him. He hasn't looked away from here since Lauren slinked over and threw herself at you."

 _He hasn't?_ _Why is he looking over here? Is my shirt tucked into my underwear? Is my collar not straight- shit! I have to talk to him!_

"Edward! Christ, you're nearly hyperventilating. Just pretend he's me, okay? You're only going to get your answer by talking to him, and to do that you have to be able to breathe. Buck up, Cullen, you've got this!"

Edward took a deep breath and sent Bella a weak smile, taking a gulp of his beer and then setting it down. "Right. I've got this."

"Go get 'em, tiger," Bella grinned, turning him around and pushing him forward. Edward frowned back at her, but all she did was lean against the picnic table and wave her fingers in a 'go on' gesture before reaching for another beer. Edward sighed and turned back to his destination, flushing and quickly looking away when he found his progress being watched.

Emmett was talking, but Jasper wasn't paying any attention. The redhead swallowed and tugged down his sweater, feeling as if he needed to pull his collar out in much the same way a cartoon character did when they were anxious and fretting. His mind spun, turning over endlessly and narrating his journey.

 _That fire's really hot. Is it too hot? Are they keeping it under control? Am I supposed to be sweating this much? Holy hell, what if I have visible sweat marks? I can't talk to him with visible sweat marks! He'll be repulsed! Hold on, what if he's repulsed anyway? What if he's planning his escape with Emmett right now? What if he's-_

"Hey look, the fag's here!"

Edward stopped dead, his spine going ramrod straight as his gaze shifted, moving of its own accord to light eyebrows pulled down over frowning eyes. His stomach twisted and with a sigh of resignation, he turned to face the only person he'd ever come close to hating.

"Jacob," he acknowledged in a guarded tone, gaze sharp as he watched the Quileute boy stagger his way towards him. Jacob Black seemed to have lost his shirt at some point during the evening, and the wind had caused goosebumps to erupt on his exposed skin. Edward inwardly shook his head. He hoped the boy didn't catch a cold. "I'd prefer it if you kept the language clean."

"Oh, you'd prefer it, would you? Tough luck, asshole, you can't always get what you want," Jacob slurred, weaving across the sand and coming to a stop in front of the redhead. He swung his hands out and the alcohol in his cup spilled over the side and down his wrist. "What are you doing here, Cullen? I thought we'd gotten rid of you for good."

"Gotten rid of me? I live here, Jacob."

"Not _here_ you don't _._ Not at La Push, thank fuck for that. At least we don't have queers tainting our stock like Forks does."

 _Stock?_ "That isn't a very nice way to refer to your tribe, Jacob. It's rather disrespectful, don't you think?"

The crowd tittered and Jacob's face darkened, the cup dropping to the sand. "You arrogant shithead! What right do you have to judge me? Why don't you just fuck off back where you came from and leave as normal people alone!"

"Oi, douch, what's your problem?" Bella snapped as she strode up and stopped at Edward's side, Jacob's friends appearing and trying to drag him away at the same time. The Quileute shrugged them off and squinted at the furious brunette, a slow smirk spreading across his face.

"I don't have a problem, sweetheart. Just calling 'em as I see 'em. You shouldn't stand so close to him, you know. Never know what you'll catch. You wait here while I get rid of the queer and then you and I can go have some fun, hmm?"

Anger was a funny thing. Edward had never experienced the physically impossible phenomenon of 'seeing red' before, but as Jacob licked his lips and rubbed his hand over his crotch in a grotesque display, the normally oblivious and somewhat placid man suddenly found himself in the younger boy's face without remembering how he gotten there. He glowered at the kid, instinctively following the surprised step that Jacob took backwards.

"You do not talk about her that way. Ever, understand?"

"What, think you can take me, cunt?" Jacob sneered, quickly recovering. "You? You'd blow over in a stiff breeze!"

 _What a strange thing to say. There's a stiff breeze now, isn't there? I'm obviously still standing._

"I won't put up with acting so derogatorily towards my friend. You can insult me all you want; I'm used to it, but leave Bella alone. She doesn't deserve your rude comments."

Jacob laughed. He threw back his head and laughed, the sound somehow sounding cruel rather than an expression of joy. Edward frowned and cocked his head.

"Look everyone, the fag's standing up for himself! He's actually grown some balls!"

Edward's frown deepened, confusion shifting through him. "That comment doesn't make any sense. I've always had testicles."

Other, louder laughter swept around the beach while Jacob's abruptly cut off, his face going a motley red. He snarled angrily.

"Fucking idiot. Teach you to get smart with me!"

He stepped back and raised his arm, hand clenched into a fist. Edward's eyes went wide, but before he could figure out how to defend himself, or even before the fist made contact, someone grabbed the back of his sweater and jerked him away from the punch. He stumbled backwards and halted when his back met a firm chest. He blinked in surprise and turned his head, seeking the identity of the person who'd rescued him.

Heat flared low in his abdomen when he met an amused dark gaze.

"When exactly did you turn into a brawler?"

Edward gulped. "I'm n-not," he started to say, silently cursing the way his voice squeaked, when a disturbance at his feet caught his attention. Jacob was sprawled on the ground, face planted in the sand. The redhead stared down at him, quickly figuring that the momentum of his swing combined with too much alcohol must have led to his downfall.

He couldn't help the small smirk that formed at the thought.

"Jeez, Edward, what's got into you? You could've seriously been hurt!" Bella scolded as Jacob's friends rushed forward, hauled him up and away. Edward looked over and met her gaze with steady eyes.

"He was being insulting to you. He's not allowed to do that."

Bella's expression softened, and behind him, Jasper shifted, abruptly reminding Edward that he was still standing close to the other man. Very close. Back to chest, leaning against him close.

He could feel Jasper's heartbeat.

Eyes going wide again, he sought out Bella's gaze as his own heart rate jumped and panic began to set in. Bella grinned at him and then winked.

"Right, Mike Tyson, I think you should go take a walk and cool yourself down a bit. You wanna go with him, oh great and mighty saviour? Make sure he doesn't get into any more trouble?"

"I could do that," Jasper agreed, his voice rumbling in his chest and vibrating against Edward's back. The other man's breath hitched at the feeling, his jeans tightening a little. The relief was just as sharp as the disappointment when Jasper stepped back and began to make his way through the crowd, stopping when he realized Edward wasn't following.

"What are you waiting for? Go!" Bella hissed, shoving her friend for the second time that night and breaking his stunned paralysis. Edward audibly swallowed and turned on very shaky legs, catching up with the blond, confusion, eagerness and lust making his head spin.

He chose to focus on the confusion.

"You know my name's not Mike Tyson, right?"

Jasper snorted loudly at the abrupt question, dark eyes dancing, before continuing down the beach with a frowning and bewildered Edward scurrying after him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: I do declare that any recognizable characters and situations do not belong to me. Anything you don't recognize? That's all mine.

 **Chapter Two**

 _Jasper snorted loudly at the abrupt question, dark eyes dancing, before continuing down the beach with a frowning and bewildered Edward scurrying after him._

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 **A/N - A warning for sexual situations in this chapter, folks. And do know that when you've reached the end that this ISN'T the final chapter. At this point of time I have no idea how many chapters this story will contain, though I guarantee it won't be long. I'm absolutely useless at confining a story to one or two, or even three chapters, it seems. ;) Right, enough babbling, let's get on with the story!**

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Edward stole glances at Jasper as they walked. The light from the bonfire faded the further from the party they travelled, leaving only the moon to light their way, and the more Edward saw Jasper's face under cool, silvery beams, the more he found himself preferring moonlight to firelight. Firelight threw shadows across the blond's face, drawing intriguing dips and highlighting peaks, but the moonlight…

Moonlight made Jasper's eyes appear dark and deep, and made them shine, all at the same time.

Of course, he knew that wasn't possible. The statement contradicted itself. Just as he knew it wasn't possible for the wind to toy with someone's hair, deliberately picking up the curls and tossing them around until they fell in a tumbled, erotic mess. He bit his bottom lip around a shuddering exhale and dragged his eyes away, wishing his jeans weren't so constricting. Who knew hair could be that stimulating?

"So, haven't seen you around much this summer."

For a brief moment, Edward's legs seemed to forget their purpose. The hitch of his breath somehow became a hitch in his stride, and the jerky wobble that followed could not in any way be classified as walking. He only just stopped himself tripping over. Face heating, wide eyes flew to the man next to him.

Thankfully, it didn't look like Jasper had caught his misstep. The blond's head was turned away, watching the water, and the only thing Edward could see was the corner of his mouth twitching. Perhaps he had a jumping nerve. He breathed out a heavy sigh of relief and then opened his mouth to answer… only to find his voice had deserted him.

 _Shit! Come on, Edward, you know your larynx is still in perfect working order! It's only nerves that've robbed you of sound! Push past it! You need to speak before he begins to think you've developed selective mutism! Speak, man, speak!_

"Ggrhk…"

 _That's NOT a word! Speak like a human being!_

"Ung- um, I mean, n-no, we haven't been into town much," he stammered, swallowing around the expanding lump in his throat and stopping when he saw the dark shape in front of them. The sand had ended while Edward had been trying to put multiple syllables together, a low outcrop of rock putting a halt to the two men's meandering. Said outcrop didn't seem to be a problem for Jasper, however, as he easily climbed onto it, pausing to look back at the redhead from the top with a questioning expression. Edward inwardly grimaced and then followed a lot less easily, his trainers scraping roughly against the wet stone until he was leaning back against rock beside the man of his many, _many_ dreams.

"Spend a lot of time busy indoors, huh?" Jasper asked, glancing at Edward. The expression on his face remained politely interested, but there was something under it, something in his eyes, that Edward couldn't read. He frowned.

"Ah, yes, Bella's not used to Washington weather. She grew up in Arizona. She doesn't like the cold."

Jasper pursed his lips, turning to look out at the water again, and Edward's gaze immediately dropped to his mouth, his brain going haywire. His heart raced and he licked his own lips, shifting against the rock and groaning under his breath when his jeans snagged and pulled tight where he was already half-erect. Jesus. Being this close to Jasper was killing him.

"You and Bella must be close then, for her to come stay with you in the rainiest part of the country for the summer."

 _Oh, thank fuck for distractions!_ "Yes, we are," he began to ramble, happily embracing a topic that would easily divert thoughts of kissing and tongues and arousal. "At first I thought my parents weren't going to allow it, but once they met her they were all for it. She would've come anyway, we would've just stayed somewhere else, but I'm glad they said yes. I really missed my bed and I didn't want to stay in a motel or have to rent an apartment, just so that I could see both my parents and Bella. I wanted them to meet her, and she actually wanted to meet them too, which I didn't understand at first, but when I asked her, she said she wanted to greet and know the people who'd raised such an amazing person. Which I guess I still don't understand, because they didn't always raise me, and I'm not really all that amazing when you think about it- why are you looking at me like that?"

Jasper's head was canted, his body turned towards Edward with his side leaning against the rock and his arms folded loosely across his chest, one foot propped over the other. He was studying the redhead as if he was trying to puzzle him out, and at Edward's question, his mouth turned up into a rather bemused smile.

"You really do need me to be direct, don't you?" he murmured, shaking his head in amusement. Edward frowned and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Jasper continued. "All right then, to the point it is." He pushed himself away from the rock and walked a few steps away, turning back around with a braced expression.

"Edward, is Bella your girlfriend?"

And just like that, the nerves calmed by a conversation about his best friend came screaming back to life. Horror rushed through Edward, panic following quickly on its heels, and he jerked away from the rock as his breath left him in a rushing gasp, blood prickled strangely in his cheeks and his gut churned. His heart thundered and he frantically shook his head.

 _Fuck, he can't think… no, that won't do!_ _She did ruin it! He thinks… I'm going to kill Bella!_

"No, no, no, she's just a friend, my best friend, she only indicated otherwise to get Lauren to leave me alone, I'm not attracted to her, don't ever think that, she has a vagina and I don't want it or anyone's!"

His voice petered out, his tightening chest squeezing it until it was high and wheezy and then just gone, having run for the hills for the second time that night. His mouth stayed open around the last word, the breeze ruffling his eyebrows and chilling his teeth, coating his tongue with a hint of salt, and he blinked dumbly at the slowly smirking blond, that prickling colour suddenly creeping and then sprinting across his face and down his neck.

He'd just said… for God's sake. What was _wrong_ with him? And he didn't even know if the smirk meant that Jasper liked what he'd just said, or if there was something mean-spirited and cruel behind it. His eyes dropped to the ground, cringing in embarrassment, anxiety and confusion swirling under his skin.

"It's funny, I find myself liking something a little more substantial than what a woman can give me as well. I'd take it hard, hot and steely any day. Wouldn't you?"

Eyes snapping up at the low, husky tone, Edward saw flying blond curls coloured silver by the moon, sculpted lips parted, soft and traceable and still smirking, and dark eyes fixed on him, deep and intense and _much_ closer than they'd been moments before. His blood began to buzz, heart throbbing in his ears, and when Jasper reached out to adjust the collar of his shirt made crooked by the wind, the tips of his fingers whispering along the dip of his collarbone, anticipation screeched along his nerves, leaving him shocked and dizzy and making his brain utterly shut down.

"I want to have sex with you!" he blurted loudly and then froze, groaning when Jasper's fingers stilled and his eyes widened in surprise. "Oh God. Christ almighty. Sorry, sorry, please ignore that, I tend not to have a filter when I'm nervous. It's just you make me... you make me so... damn it. I'll go now, shall I?"

He turned, inwardly cursing, the moon seemingly mimicking the gloom in the pit of his stomach as a cloud passed over it. And with the lack of light came the lack of sight, so it wasn't really a surprise to him when he placed his foot wrong, his shoe slipped and he lost his balance.

What _was_ a surprise was the hand that wrapped firmly around his upper arm and jerked him backwards, stopping his fall. He grunted when his hip met rock more firmly than he would've liked, but any grumbling he might have participated in evaporated instantly when a warm, male body moved forward to invade his personal space.

"I always seem to be rescuing you," Jasper commented in an easy tone. The toes of his skate shoes nudged Edward's trainers, his stomach and chest grazed along Edward's sweater, and his belt buckle… Edward's lips parted, his lids falling to half-mast as arousal burnt through him. Catching the look, a slow, Cheshire smile spread across Jasper's face. He leant in.

"There's no need to run off so quickly," he murmured, breath dancing along the skin of Edward's cheek. The redhead only just held back a whimper. "Taking the direct approach is nothing to be ashamed of, even if it was unintentional. It's really quite charming." He leant in further, his entire weight pressed flush against Edward, their hips making delicious contact as he breathed right in Edward's ear, "besides, I like that I make you nervous. I like it a lot."

Then his weight was gone and Edward lay against the rock, fully erect and almost panting with need. The clouds stepped aside and let the moon have its night, and he stared out at the once again silver-tipped waves, dazed and aching. Though the other man's body was physically gone, the sensation of Jasper against him stayed, his brain not letting him forget the feeling of his calf rubbing against Jasper's, the heat of Jasper's navel radiating even through his clothes, the rumble of his voice in his ear, and _God,_ he'd been… he'd been hard. Jasper had been hard. Edward was sure of it.

He was losing his mind. He'd started the evening with the intention of prepositioning the man he'd been lusting after since he was old enough to understand the term 'lust', but nothing was going as he'd imagined. For one thing, he'd never expected Jasper to be interested. He'd been anticipating a verbal rejection at best, a physical one at worst, and he'd accepted that. Had somehow even wanted it. The rejection would hopefully allow him to cut his desire for the blond off at the root and finally move on with his life.

He wanted to meet someone. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to kiss; he wanted to touch; and by Christ he wanted to fuck, and he wanted to do that without wondering if it'd be just as good or even better with the boy who'd been the reason behind Edward figuring out he was gay.

Jasper, however, wasn't cooperating. He'd taken the accepted scene and twisted it around, completely turning the tables when he hadn't rejected him. He'd, instead, said yes, though he hadn't actually said the word. He'd even become the aggressor, the _seducer_ so to speak, and it was throwing Edward into a tailspin. This wasn't the way he'd seen the night ending. He swallowed hard and sucked in a sharp breath when he shifted anxiously on instinct and made his erection throb. He was thoroughly confused, incredibly turned on, and he had very little control at the best of times.

If he didn't get his hands on Jasper Hale very soon, he was positive he was going to explode.

Images of exactly what he'd do with his hands on Jasper bombarded his mind. He groaned under his breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Have you got a timetable for this wish of yours?"

The voice was silky and dark and ribboned through the rush of the waves, sliding over Edward's skin and turning his already steamy thoughts positively carnal. His cock jerked and he moaned, too lost in imagined heavy breathing, the seal and suction of a mouth, and insane pleasure to care that Jasper could hear him. God. He needed… he _needed._ Edward spoke his thoughts.

"Tonight?" he whispered; all but pleaded. The silence that followed was taut, and Edward kept his eyes shut, afraid of what he'd find if he opened them. Afraid to find himself suddenly alone. Then, just under the never-ending groan of the ocean…

" _Fuck._ "

Edward's eyes flew open in shock when hands speared into his hair and a mouth slanted roughly over his. He hadn't even heard Jasper move, and his astonishment at the unseen, completely unexpected maneuver had him freezing on the spot.

 _What are you doing? He's kissing you! Stop acting like you've had an encounter with Medusa and kiss him back before he stops, you idiot!_

His shouting sensible side – which, in the past, had rarely ever had to shout – and Jasper's tongue sweeping across the seam of his lips broke him from his stupor. He twitched a little at the touch, lips barely parting in an instinctive reaction of surprise, lungs compressing involuntarily as they tried to suck in air to nourish his quickly fogging mind. Instead, he somehow managed to suck Jasper's tongue between his lips, the tip just brushing his teeth.

The consuming, ever-present craving flared fast, bright and shockingly hot, and it finally completely registered to Edward's conscious mind that Jasper was _kissing_ him. Their lips were pressed together, his body was brushing against the other man's, and Edward let out a happy little sound of wonder that rapidly melted into a moan of want, his eyes fluttering shut and his hands flailing and then settling to grip tightly onto the back of Jasper's neck. He pushed himself forward eagerly and parted his lips further in invitation, groaning low in his throat when Jasper rumbled in satisfaction and fervently accepted it.

Edward had been kissed before. Bella had dragged him along to many a group date in the time that he'd known her; had even set him up on a few blind dates. Three of those tests had led to painfully awkward second dates, and two to inept and impatient physical affection, with one having a nice little bit of zing that Edward had thought held a lot of promise. For whatever reason though, the guy had never called Edward again, and funnily enough, the redhead hadn't really been all that disappointed.

He realized why now. What he'd thought was zing hadn't really been zing at all, because kissing that man was nothing, _nothing_ , compared to kissing Jasper. A tingling, overwhelming fantastically arousing heat poured from the point of contact that was Jasper's mouth rolling over his, the blond's tongue sliding along Edward's in a way that was both desperately hurried and languidly thorough simultaneously. It was blowing the top of Edward's head off, and he moaned again and unconsciously jerked his hips, going still with disbelief as he rubbed against and recognized the solid, straining, _hard_ length belonging to the man who was kissing him so hungrily.

He'd thought the blond had been fully erect before. He'd quite obviously been wrong.

At the jerk, Jasper released something between a hiss and a groan into Edward's mouth and gave a very deliberate answering thrust.

" _God!_ " Edward gasped, breaking away from Jasper's mouth as tendrils of jagged, sharp-edged pleasure spiked greedily through him, stealing all intelligent thought. "D-do that again!"

Jasper readily complied and Edward whimpered, his vision hazed in red, his head guided back by Jasper's hands in his hair, allowing the other man access to his throat. Jasper ran his tongue down the tendon of his neck; nipping and lapping at his collarbone before dragging his lips back up under Edward's chin.

"Fuck, you taste just as good as I always imagined," he groaned, lips pressing peppered kisses to the redhead's jaw. Edward shuddered and lifted his chin, then blinked, distracted.

"You used to imagine the way I tasted?"

Jasper hummed in answer, which wasn't really an answer at all, then latched onto Edward's mouth once more. Edward kissed him back just as enthusiastically, a roll of his hips earning him another one of those half hiss, half groans. His fingers dug into the back of Jasper's neck, clenching and unclenching as Jasper tugged at Edward's hair and then streaked his hands down to scramble and dive under Edward's sweater and shirt, seeking bare skin.

He'd just stroked the pads of his fingers over the redhead's quivering stomach muscles, trailing along the hair that disappeared below Edward's belt, when the heavens opened.

It was a very sobering experience, getting soaked to the bone in less than ten seconds. Edward and Jasper broke apart in surprise and gaped up at the sky, Jasper's curls sinking and moulding to his head, raindrops running down his cheeks and dripping from his chin. Edward's glasses fogged and went blurry, and he blinked as the rain scuttled beneath them and stuck his eyelashes together. His erection deflated as his jeans grew wet and cold and decidedly uncomfortable.

"Where the hell did _this_ come from?" Jasper exclaimed, half-shouting over the sound of the torrent hitting the water, rocks and thudding into the sand. Edward shook his head, then jumped as thunder cracked across the sky.

"We need to get out of here," he stated grimly, eyeing the storm forming on the horizon as best he could through waterlogged lenses. He shoved his glasses up onto his head, hoping it would help him have a clearer line of sight. Jasper nodded and turned to the beach, carefully beginning to descend the slick stone.

Edward's breath caught in panic when he slipped. It released in a slow wave when he just as quickly righted himself, his heart hammering as Jasper made the rest of the short climb down without further incident. Once he reached the sand, he turned and held out his hand to Edward.

This time, Edward didn't hesitate to accept the help. He wasn't going to end up with a broken leg, or a broken neck, just because he didn't want Jasper thinking him weak and helpless. He took the offered hand and gingerly made his way down the rock, shaking his head like a dog to try to stop his drenched hair from falling in his eyes and obstructing his vision further. It didn't take him long to reach the sand, and he flushed and sent the blond a small, shy smile when Jasper grinned, his hand reaching over to push Edward's hair back out of his eyes himself. Chilled fingers lingered at the edge of Edward's temple as dark eyes lingered on the wet mahogany strands.

"A fantasy fulfilled," he murmured, barely loud enough for Edward to catch. The redhead's eyes widened and Jasper shook his head, looking amused, before running a hand through his own dripping hair. "Come on. We'll get sick if we stay out here much longer."

He turned and took off at a jog, heading for the surrounding forest. Edward frowned and tugged on his hand, realizing as he did so that Jasper hadn't dropped it. In fact, it didn't look like he was going to anytime soon. His confusion over the direction staved off his freak out over that fact.

"The parking lot's back that way," he called when Jasper looked back at him. The blond grinned again.

"Yeah, but there's a shortcut through the forest. We'll get back to the car quicker and we won't get quite as wet with being under the trees."

 _We're_ _already as wet as we can get,_ Edward's mind whispered, the sloshing sound of his rain-heavy jeans rubbing together underlining the thought. He didn't point it out though, just followed the other man, trusting Jasper to know what he was talking about.

After all, he _had_ lived in the area all his life, unlike Edward, who'd only lived there half.

"Jesus, that rain's cold," Jasper shivered as they made their way into the slightly drier, densely packed trees, still holding hands. They'd been walking for a few minutes before it registered with Edward that though there was little light, he hadn't tripped once. Jasper was picking his way through the undergrowth, safely leading the other man. "First thing I'm going to do when we get back to my place is have a shower, though you can have one first if you like. Or, you know, we could share-"

"We're going back to your place?" Edward blurted, halting the sly grin that was spreading across Jasper's face as he glanced back over his shoulder. For the first time that night, Jasper looked just a little uncertain, a frown lining his forehead. Edward's heart gave a funny little jump at the expression.

"Ah, yeah. I mean, if you want to."

Edward swallowed. "To have s-sex?" he asked bluntly, embarrassment washing over him when he heard exactly how jittery and eager he sounded. A perfect example of needy and pathetic if there ever was one. He needed the clarification though, so that he didn't drive himself mad with trying to figure out where the evening was going or wondering if he'd done something wrong.

Jasper stopped walking at the question and turned to Edward, his gaze on the redhead in a searching expression that confused Edward greatly when disappointment flickered through his eyes before his face smoothed out. That smirking, Cheshire grin came back and he cocked his head.

"Straight to the point. You really are one of a kind. Yes, Edward, to continue what we started before the rain cast its untimely interruption. Let's go, okay? I'm cold and I need something other than a shower to warm me up."

He pulled at Edward's arm and continued through the foliage, Edward's mind racing as he tried to piece together a reason for that disappointment and contain his excitement. The excitement proved too slippery, however, and with his eyes on Jasper's back, he pressed his lips together to stop himself giggling like a schoolgirl. He was finally going to get what he'd always wanted, even if it was only going to be for one night.

Now, if he could manage to get through said night without making a complete and utter fool of himself, things should be dandy. Edward grimaced at the thought, enthusiasm waning just a little as his nerves vibrated and expanded under his breastbone.

Talk about wishful thinking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: I do not, cannot, will not.

 **Chapter Three**

 _Edward grimaced at the thought, enthusiasm waning just a little as his nerves vibrated and expanded under his breastbone. Talk about wishful thinking._

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 **A/N - A warning for sexual content in this chapter, my faithful readers. You all should really follow me on twitter, you know. I'll be tweeting updates on updates, fic recs, my thoughts as I'm writing, and anything else I might find amusing. Link's on my profile, though it isn't an actual link since FF decided to throw a wobbly. Go and see and then come and follow me! ;)**

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"You know, I'm surprised you weren't already aware about the forest being a shortcut."

Sounding loud and simultaneously one-dimensional bouncing off the dense tangle of trees, Jasper's voice startled Edward from his gloomy thoughts. He shook his head to bring himself back to the present and screwed up his nose in annoyance when the movement caused water to fly from his hair and splash on the tip, then concentrated on his companion's broad back again. The importance of his worries seemed to shrink as he scrambled to pull words together in an answer.

"I've, um, n-never really spent much time here," he answered, having to clear his throat and then frowning at how high his voice sounded anyway. Christ, he'd already kissed the guy. Why was he still so nervous?

Jasper's head turned in his direction at the reply, and his eyes in the dark depths of the forest brought forth images of those eyes and his face and body in the similar, steamy darkness of a bedroom, thoughts of grasping hands, strangled gasps and drugging pleasure slowly winding their way through Edward's head. His cock stirred, despite the cold, clinging wetness of his jeans.

Oh. That's why. He grimaced slightly and rolled his shoulders, desperately wanting to reach down and adjust himself, but also not wanting Jasper to _see_ him reaching down and adjusting himself. Yet, maybe he did. It was a confusing business, this sexual interaction minefield.

"Is that the dickhead's fault?"

"Dickhead?" Edward repeated, still distracted. Jasper nodded, gaze switching between the trees in front of them and Edward behind him.

"Yeah. You know, Jacob Black? The homophobic little fucker who tried to deck you at the bonfire and ended up on his ass? Is he the reason you don't know your own backyard?"

"This isn't my backyard."

"No," Jasper agreed, his focus now more on Edward than their surrounds as they walked through the trees. The forest was becoming more spaced apart and the shadows were drawing back, leaving Jasper's face clear in the moonlight as he looked at Edward. "It's not. But it could've been. Me and Emmett and Rosie used to run wild through here. Black didn't keep you away, did he?"

 _Oh, he means a playground rather than an actual backyard. Makes sense._

"Jacob didn't start taunting me about being gay until a couple of years ago, so no, he isn't the reason I didn't spend much time here," Edward replied absently, squinting as the rain began to transform from drips into a steadily building downpour again. He could see the treeline and the nearly empty parking lot beyond. "Or at least not the main reason. My mother is afraid of the ocean, so as you can imagine she was always cautious about allowing me on and around the coast. Jacob and his opinions didn't help, but her fear became my habit. I found other ways to enjoy my time."

"You talk about 'Jacob and his opinions' very casually for what he said to you."

They'd reached the treeline and were standing at the edge. At the blond's quiet comment, Edward turned from peering out into the rain in resignation to find Jasper watching him, his curls half-dry, frizzy and fly-away around his head. Edward frowned.

"Why shouldn't I? Homophobia is a worldwide concept, and unfortunately, that's not likely to change. I can't change the way someone thinks unless they want to change themselves. Isn't it best just to accept and ignore it as best I can rather than make it into what Jacob wants it to be?"

Jasper's gaze sharpened. "You weren't ignoring it when you got in his face."

"He was insulting Bella," Edward pointed out, still frowning, and as if saying her name had conjured her, there was a muffled shout from across the lot. Both Edward and Jasper turned to see a blurry, bedraggled figure jogging through the rain towards them.

"You're a funny guy, Edward Cullen."

Edward's stomach swooped. _What did that mean?_ Bella reached them before he could voice the question however, the girl skidding up next to Jasper and leaning forward, resting her hands on her knees as she sucked in large gulps of air.

"Jesus, that rain! It's never ending! Edward, you idiot, why the hell didn't you answer your phone?"

 _It rang?_ Fishing the devise out of his back pocket, Edward flipped it open and saw that it had indeed rung. Three times. The last about ten minutes before, which would've been when he and Jasper were on the rock and they were… living up to his ginger genes, Edward flushed a bright red and quickly shoved the phone away again.

"I, um, I didn't hear it," he muttered, cringing when Bella planted her hands on her hips and glared at him, her long brown hair plastered to her head and dripping down over her equally soaked, tightly zipped sweatshirt.

"You didn't hear it? How could you not have heard it? I made sure you set it to vibrate as well as ring, so unless you were so distracted that you missed both… holy shit, you _were_ distracted!"

With those words, Bella scolding morphed into a knowing grin as her eyes zoomed in on the fact that the two men were still holding hands, even though Edward didn't need Jasper's help to pick his way through an unknown forest anymore. The redhead shifted anxiously at her observation, a thought flitting through his head about men and hand holding and masculinity and should he still be clinging so tightly? God, what if Jasper thought him a girly sap? Nerves twisted in his gut and he tried to detangle his hand on instinct – only to have Jasper's clasp tighten for just a second before he let go.

It was ridiculous how empty Edward's hand felt afterwards.

"We were basically at the water-edge, so it makes sense for him not to hear his phone over the sound of the waves," Jasper said in a mild voice. Bella smirked and flicked a look at Edward again, whose cheeks were still red.

"Sure it does. Anyway, that doesn't matter. Are you ready to go? I don't know about you, but I really want to get somewhere drier."

"You can take the car home, I'm going back to Jasper's," Edward answered, not really concentrating on what he was saying as he wondered if it'd be too overzealous to take Jasper's hand again. He really wanted to. It didn't seem like the blond would mind, but what if he was reading it wrong? "I don't know how long I'll be as we'll be-"

"Watching a movie. Probably more than one. Edward's pretty enthusiastic about the Indiana Jones series and his enthusiasm has gotten me interested."

The disappointment was palatable. Startled green eyes flew to Jasper's face, to see the blond's body angled towards the parking lot and his expression impatient, as if he was very eager to watch Harrison Ford at his best. It was still raining, but Edward didn't really notice the sound of it hitting the leaves and concrete anymore. He was trying to wrap his head around the fact that his plans for the evening had just gone out the window with a couple of sentences from Jasper. His stomach churned and he swallowed hard.

They were… they were going to watch a movie? They weren't going to have sex? Edward couldn't see a reason for Jasper suddenly changing his mind, but then Edward didn't see many things. Was it something he'd done? It had to have been something he'd done.

What did he do wrong?

"Oh, right. Okay. I'll just leave the back door unlocked for you, shall I?" Bella was looking at Edward when she said it, and there was an expectant pause after the question. Edward blinked and cleared his throat, doing his best to hide his confusion.

If Jasper didn't want him anymore, fine. He wasn't going to let the blond know how dismayed that fact made him. He would at least get to spend some time with him, which had been his highest anticipation for the evening anyway. He was fine.

Right. Fine.

"Um, yeah. Yeah, do that," he muttered, and Bella narrowed her eyes at his tone, gaze suddenly speculating. Even Jasper turned to look at him. Figuring that if he didn't get moving soon, his best friend would start in on a grilling that Edward really didn't want to deal with, he dug the car keys from his other pocket, chucked them at Bella who only just caught them due to his clumsy, overhanded throw, and stepped out of the trees into the rain.

"Come on, it's not going to let up any time soon!"

"Right then, looks like we're going. You okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I only had a beer and a half," Edward just heard Bella say over the sound of the downpour. He cursed under his breath for not thinking of that. "Just go easy with him, okay? Something's… something's up. I don't know what, but it's something."

"You caught that too, huh? Don't worry, I've got it. Just get home safe."

"Will do."

Jasper's footsteps were muffled as both men headed for the dark green 1969 Camaro, the only car left in the parking lot apart from Edward's modern day SUV. Edward stopped at the passenger door, feeling the chill of the rain to his bones, and pulled the door open when Jasper unlocked his side, got in and reached over to pull up the lock. He didn't say anything as he put his belt on and Jasper started the car, but he could feel the other man's eyes on him as they pulled out of the parking lot, right behind the SUV.

They'd been driving for five minutes before Jasper spoke.

"So… you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Edward swallowed and shot a quick look at the man next to him. His hair was dripping again, his were jeans sticking to his thighs, and his hands were gripping the steering wheel confidently. He looked amazing and Edward's heart pounded.

Christ, he wanted to know what he'd done wrong. Jasper glanced over at him and Edward hurriedly looked away.

"Why am I funny?" he blurted, so that he didn't embarrass himself by begging for an explanation. He stole another glance at Jasper to see the blond frowning, looking slightly puzzled.

"I'm sorry?"

"You said I was funny. You said, 'you're a funny guy, Edward Cullen.' How am I funny? I haven't told a joke."

The side of Jasper's mouth quirked into a smile. "I didn't mean funny haha, Edward," he said, just a trickle of amusement under the words. "And I didn't mean for it to be insulting either. You're just a little unusual. You don't care that someone calls you a insulting, narrow-minded name, and yet you get up in arms when someone sends your female friend a degrading look, something that's probably more commonplace than what Jacob said to you. You have a sense of morals and a temper, but neither have anything to do with you yourself. It's rather old fashioned. "

"Is that bad?"

"No, not at all," Jasper replied evenly, making Edward nervous with the length of time he spent looking at him rather than the road. "It's just who you are. And personally, I quite like who you are."

His grin was lazy and full of innuendo, and Edward flushed, turning his head to watch the zooming wipers trying to battle the constant deluge. The mixed signals were throwing him head over heels. Jasper had said they weren't going to have sex, and yet he was flirting with him. Did he enjoy teasing and not following through?

Edward didn't like it.

"Come to think of it, I may not be the only one who likes you."

The comment had Edward turning to the driver again, brow furrowed. "What?"

"Jacob. You said he didn't start in on you until a couple of years ago, and it's not like you don't wear your sexual preference on your sleeve-"

… _huh?_

"-so I wouldn't be surprised if our least favourite Quileute doesn't have his own crush."

Edward gaped. He thought that… he thought… that didn't make sense!

"But he _hates_ me!"

"I doubt he does," Jasper said in a breezy tone, eyes dancing as they turned the final corner and hit the outskirts of Forks. "Despising you is most likely just a smokescreen. Or maybe he does despise you," he mused, tone turning serious, " _because_ he wants you. And he hates himself for it, so he takes it out on you. Not everyone's as out as us, you know, or as proud. I know it took me a long time to admit who I preferred."

Edward's head spun as they moved through the deserted, rain-soaked town. Jacob might _want_ him? _Jacob?_ It was… it was an inconceivable notion. It also wasn't one he wanted to think about. They were just pulling into their street and Jasper was slowing down, and Edward hurried latched onto the fact that the SUV that had stayed in front of them the entire way didn't slow as well, using it as a much needed distraction. He pulled out his phone and quickly sent a text, getting an immediate answer.

 _I'm going to hire a DVD or two. Stop worrying about me and concentrate on your date._

Edward's heart gave an erratic jump at the d-word. His thumb flew over the keys.

 _This isn't a date! And you shouldn't be texting while driving!_

The answer arrived ten seconds later.

 _Keep telling yourself that, Eddie boy. Now, leave me alone. I'll see you in the morning._

 _I'm not staying overnight._

 _Turn off your phone, Edward. Now._

Frowning, Edward obediently hit the off button and flipped his phone closed.

"She okay?"

Edward's head snapped around and he smiled sheepishly, the engine dying as they pulled into Jasper's parent's driveway. "Ah, yeah. She's going to get a DVD. Must have gotten the idea from you." He cringed at how sulky that last part had come across as, hand reaching for the door handle as Jasper studied him with his head to the side, eyes sharp again. "I- I think I'll duck across home and change first of that's okay?"

"Sure," Jasper said quietly. Edward nodded and stepped out of the car into the rain.

"Edward."

"Yeah?" he replied, glancing back.

"My room's above the garage. There's a private entrance around the back."

"O-okay," the redhead stammered, heart hammering. He closed the door and rushed across the road, through the picketed gate and up the front walk, the front door closing behind him with a slam. He leant back against it and drew in a few shaky breaths, trying to unknot the massive bundle of nerves in his abdomen.

Holy moly. The way he'd said those last two sentences. It'd sent lust skittering across his skin, and shit did he want to hear that voice speaking to him in the throes, whispering dirty, dirty things in his ear as Jasper surged forward over and over-

"Edward? Where's Bella?"

Carlisle's voice jolted him from his fantasies, and Edward immediately shifted to the side a little to hide his burgeoning erection. "Dad! U-um, she went to the video store. I'm not- ah, I'm going over to Jasper's to watch some movies and she decided she wanted a movie night of her own."

"Jasper? Jasper Hale?" Carlisle questioned, looking mystified. "You're friends with him now?"

Edward cursed silently. "Er… yes?"

"All right," Carlisle said after a short silence, his voice thoughtful as he watched his son shift on the spot. "You are going to change first, aren't you? You're soaked through."

"That's where I'm heading. Gotta go now, Dad, I said I wouldn't be long." Carlisle nodded and Edward bolted up the stairs, relief licking at his nerve endings. He flung open his bedroom door and rushed for his wardrobe. Fifteen minutes, the fastest shower in history and a frantic internal debate about necktie versus no necktie later, he was dressed in tan corduroy slacks, a light blue shirt with the top button recklessly undone – no necktie had won – and a midnight blue blazer. The familiar style of clothing settled his nerves a touch, unclenching the knot in his gut and making it possible for him to sit on the edge of his bed and calmly do up the shoelaces of his black loafers. He stood when he was done and looked down at himself, pleased.

There. If Bella had been right and this _was_ a date, he was dressed comfortably but appropriately. His stomach knotted up at the d-word again, and Edward blew out a shuddering breath. He grabbed his waterproof windbreaker on the way out of the room and tugged it on, not wanting to get wet after finally drying out.

No sooner had Edward left his room, he was back inside again, heading for his bookcase, where he pulled his Indiana Jones DVDs off the shelf. He didn't know how Jasper had known they were his favourite, but if he wasn't going to have sex that evening, he did want to watch something he enjoyed. Besides, maybe Jasper really did want to see them.

Now ready to go, he headed for the stairs and jogged down them, stopping at the bottom when he heard his name. His father was once again waiting for him.

"Take an umbrella, it's still pouring out. And here, I don't know if you'll need this, but it's better to be prepared."

He held something out, hand closed around it, and Edward automatically presented his palm to take it. When Carlisle's hand drew back, Edward looked down… and felt himself flush a deep, uncompromising red.

It was a condom. His father had given him a _condom_. The innocent little foil package sat in his hand, glinting in the hallway light, and Edward's throat and chest and entire body clenched with embarrassment. He stared, face burning, then abruptly closed his fist around the package and shoved it into the pocket of his blazer, not able to look at his father and even less able to form words.

His parents knew he was gay; he'd never kept it from them. But his father hadn't ever blatantly handed him a condom before. He'd never involved himself in Edward's sex life before at all, beyond the not-so-standard medically influenced sex talk when he was younger. Not that he'd ever had a sex life before, but still. His _father_ had given him a _condom._ He swallowed and then swallowed again, clearing his throat and inching towards the door.

"Gotta go," he squeaked, turning and fleeing the house, and completely missing the way Carlisle smirked after him before going back into the den and cuddling up with his decidedly curious wife.

~0~

Edward was too embarrassed to be nervous as he ran across the street, a zebra-striped umbrella open above him. The condom seemed to have the weight of an anvil in his pocket, and for once it was what it was, rather than who he was meant to use it with, that was twisting madly through his head, stressing him out. That soon changed however, as he squished his way through the Hales' waterlogged yard and around the back of the house, just catching the sight of a dark stairwell opposite the back wall of the garage. He approached it and the condom suddenly seemed to carry a new weight, trepidation making his stomach churn, the hand that knocked on the door at the top of the stairs shaking in reaction. It opened before he had a chance to settle himself, to show a tiny hallway and a smiling, curly-haired man.

"There you are. Come in. I have a beer if you want one? I made sure it was warm up here, so here, take of your jacket, you can hang it and the umbrella over here."

Was Jasper rambling? Edward stared in bemusement as the words flooded from the blond, slowly pulling off his windbreaker and noting with appreciation what Jasper had changed into. He was still wearing loose fitting jeans, but they were black this time, and his shirt was a dark wine red, the black, long-sleeved tee under it pushed up to his elbows. His hair was clean and dry, and his feet… his feet were bare.

Edward hadn't realized it was possible for feet to make someone's mouth water.

"I can't believe it's still raining, can you? I guess when you move away you forget- well, hello, that brings back memories."

"What does?" Edward asked, turning from hanging up his jacket. He blinked and squirmed slightly at the slow, thorough scan coming from Jasper, his gaze running from the top of Edward's head to the tip of his shoes. The blond smirked, all apprehension gone, and looked up to meet Edward's eyes.

"What you're wearing. As much as I really liked what Bella dressed you in tonight, this-" he stepped closer and toyed with the collar of Edward's blazer. The redhead's breath caught in his throat. "-I think I love. It was you in high school and it's still you now. I'm glad to see you back to normal."

His fingers brushed at Edward's collarbone, slamming his mind with images of the kiss on the rock back at La Push. His lips parted as warmth surged through his blood, his eyes at half-mast and focused entirely on Jasper. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him quite desperately, but he was terrified of making the first move, especially considering Jasper had made it clear that the plans for the evening had changed.

 _They have changed, haven't they?_ he thought in a daze as the man in front of him lingered at his skin, his attention locked on Edward. He licked his lips to moisten them and Jasper's eyes snapped down to the movement, and then he puffed out a breath, shook his head and stepped back.

"I'll, ah, I'll get us those beers. Why don't you go through to the other room and make yourself comfortable?"

He turned and headed off into the room to the right before Edward found the ability to answer. Once he was out of sight, the redhead groaned under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hell, the night was going to be hard. In more ways than one. Adjusting himself quickly, he pulled in a breath, grabbed the DVDs out of the pocket of his windbreaker, then did as Jasper suggested and headed into the room to his left. At least he could distract himself with Harrison Ford-

 _Oh, come on!_

The bed dominated the room. It hadn't even registered to Edward that 'the other room' had to have been a bedroom, but his heart jumped into his throat the moment he stepped through the door. It was massive, obviously a king-size, and it was also quite obviously designed to torture horny young men, because Edward was bombarded with images again the minute he saw it. His erection had stirred when Jasper had touched his neck, but now he hardened completely and even throbbed for good measure, pulling a desperate groan from Edward's chest.

 _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Pressing his lips together, Edward turned away from the torture device and jerkily made his way over to the TV on the other side of the room. He needed to pull himself together. Hoping like hell that Raiders of the Lost Ark would help him do that, he popped the DVD in and stood up, belatedly realizing that the bed was the only seating available. They were going to have to watch the movie while lying on it. He sighed, rubbed his eyes under his glasses and then carefully perched himself against the pillows as the opening credits started playing.

"So I've just remembered your face when you had a beer at the bonfire and have bought you a coke instead… you put a movie in?"

The surprise in Jasper's voice had Edward turning to look at him. "Um, yeah? Y-you said you wanted to see the Indiana Jones movies?"

"I did," Jasper nodded slowly, studying Edward again. He seemed to do that a lot. "Okay then. Coke?"

He held it out and then climbed onto the bed next to Edward when his guest took it. And just like that, the room shrank to a quarter of its original size, all the air seemingly disappearing.

 _That's not possible. Dimensions don't change and oxygen doesn't just vanish._ Edward frowned and shifted on the mattress, trying to follow the beginning of the movie, but Jasper was _right next to him_ and… shit, was he moving closer? Jasper wasn't watching the movie and his thigh was pressed against Edward's when it hadn't been before. Edward took a large gulp of his coke and then abruptly put it on the nightstand next to him, afraid his shaking hands would drop it.

Why was he sitting so close? The bed was huge and Jasper's body heat was making him dizzy. He could sense the man looking at him, could sense him _breathing_ , and it wasn't doing anything for the arousal pumping through his blood. His own breathing picked up and he jumped when fingers began to walk along his thigh.

"Edward."

Harrison Ford was speaking. Edward couldn't hear the words. He stared blindly at the TV while Jasper shifted even closer. What was he doing?

"Edward."

His name was a groan this time and Edward gasped when lips touched his neck. He didn't know what to do. He knew what he wanted to do; he wanted to turn to the other man, lift his chin and kiss Jasper for all he was worth, but he was so confused. So bloody confused. He groaned when the lips moved up under his chin.

His eyes went wide when hands began plucking at his blazer, clearly trying to remove it.

 _You have to say something._

"I thought," he croaked, eyes squeezed shut, head falling back without him being aware of it, "I thought you wanted to… you s-said we were going to watch a m-movie."

The lips stopped. Edward's eyes popped open when Jasper pulled back, an incredulous expression on his face.

"Is _that_ the problem?" he asked, staring at Edward. "You thought because I told Bella we were going to watch movies tonight that I no longer wanted to sleep with you?" Edward's timid nod had a burst of shocked laughter leaving the blond, something that had Edward flushing and shifting as if to move away. Jasper hurriedly reached out and pulled him back.

"Edward, I only said we were going to be watching movies so that you didn't blurt out to Bella that we were coming back to my place to have sex," he explained, smiling softly at the other man. "No filter is charming and I really like it on you, but some things should be kept private, don't you think?"

 _Oh._ Relief rushed through the redhead and pushed a question out of his mouth. "So you still want me?"

"Do I still want you?" Jasper laugh was low and coarse as he leant in and caught Edward's earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently. He nibbled just a bit before lifting his lips and breathing right into Edward's ear, "fuck yes."

The movie was completely forgotten after that. Edward's hands sprang up to pull Jasper's head back and then he was kissing him like he'd wanted to since walking in the door. Jasper started a little in surprise at the aggressiveness of the move, then groaned and kissed him back, his hands burrowing into Edward's hair as their tongues slid and tangled. Jasper's mouth was hot and smooth, his tongue rough, and just as delicious as Edward remembered. Lips pressed, clinging, then parted and came back together with low, eager noises, but it wasn't long until the redhead wanted more.

He pulled away and turned his mouth to the skin at the collar of Jasper's shirt, impatiently removing his glasses and throwing them onto the nightstand when they got in the way. The blond's gasp spurred him on, making him shift and drag his tongue over the skin, swiping under the material, desperate to taste as much as he could. His chin pushed at the collar, stretching it, and Jasper let out a strained laugh.

"It'd probably be better if I take this off, huh?"

He pushed Edward back a little and reached for the bottom of his shirt, pulling it off without bothering with the buttons. His tee came off with it and then his chest was naked, and Edward's breath froze in his lungs as his eyes ran over tanned skin, greedily drinking in the sight before him; something he'd never thought he'd get to see.

Jasper wasn't bulky. But he wasn't skinny either. His arms were defined and his stomach was flat, with just the beginnings of a six-pack. His nipples were small and a shade darker than his skin, and the only hair Edward could see was the trail leading down into his jeans… _God._ Edward licked his lips and a trembling hand lifted, only to pause. He looked up to meet those deep, dark eyes.

"C-can I…?"

"Please," Jasper whispered and that was all the encouragement Edward needed. His hands were on Jasper's skin and the blond jerked at the touch, a strange little sound falling from his lips. Edward licked his own again, staring intently at the trailing fingers on firm, warm skin that circled Jasper's pecs and brushed over his nipples, drawing forth another jerk and that interesting little sound.

If Edward hadn't been so intent on touching every bit of Jasper's torso, he would've lingered to see if he could deliberately reproduce that sound. But the blond's stomach muscles were flexing slightly and Edward wanted to know how they felt under his fingers. He watched his hand move down, feeling the muscles jump and the scratchy feel of Jasper's hair that made him really want to explore further…

" _Fuck."_

Jasper shoved and Edward was suddenly lying on his back with a mouth on his again. The two men kissed frantically, the need between them immense, only breaking apart to rid Edward of his blazer. The garment hit the floor and Jasper quickly worked on the buttons of Edward's shirt, cursing under his breath when they fought him. They eventually gave way and the shirt and Edward's undershirt soon joined the blazer on the floor. Edward expected him to stop there, but Jasper moved until he was kneeling between Edward's parted legs, his hands reaching down to pull off Edward's shoes and socks and then coming back up to tug at the fastening of his slacks.

That certainly made Edward's head shoot up. Catching the movement, Jasper smirked and leant forward on his knees until his mouth was at his ear again.

"Have you done this before?" he whispered, the button slipping from its hole and the zipper sliding down. Edward bit his lip around a whimper and shook his head, hips arching off the bed. Jasper's hands were so close. Only his underwear stopped them being skin-to-skin. He couldn't hold back the next whimper as he shifted anxiously and Jasper smiled into his hair.

"Didn't think so. Will you let me make you feel good, Edward?"

His voice was sin, and Edward jerked, gasping when fingers danced over him through his boxers. He was so fucking hard and his nod was so rapid, he was surprised he didn't throw his neck out. Jasper chuckled darkly then pulled back to kiss him, delving into Edward's mouth and humming at the taste, then drawing away and settling back between his legs.

"I'm going to make you feel _fantastic._ "

In the blink of an eye, he had Edward's slacks and boxers down, pulling them off, the redhead having just enough brainpower left to lift his hips and help him. He hummed again when Edward's cock sprang free, eyes locked between his legs, and holy _fuck_ , Edward wanted him to touch him. He _needed_ him to touch him. His hips pushed up, mouth open as he stared at Jasper staring at his weeping erection. Jasper took a deep breath and released it, closing his eyes for a brief second and then opening them to look at Edward with an expression that made the redhead groan, and then his hand was on him and stroking _._

 _Slowly._

"Oh fuck," Edward moaned, head arching back, body lifting from the bed. Jasper's touch was lazy, his grip not nearly firm enough, but Edward was so worked up that it was still having the desired effect. He heard Jasper mutter something that sounded a lot like "shit, that's hot," but he couldn't be sure because his senses were reducing to just touch and he was climbing, oh God he was climbing, but no way near _fast_ enough. He reached down to try and speed Jasper up and his hand was batted away, making him frown and groan in frustration.

"P-please, h-harder."

"Is this not enough for you?" Jasper asked in a strangled voice. "Perhaps you need a little something more?"

And then suddenly a finger was brushing down lower where one hadn't ever been before, circling and pressing just slightly. Edward jerked sharply and gasped at the unexpected but not unpleasant pressure that utterly distracted him. His eyes grew very wide and his head snapped up. Did that mean what he thought it meant?

"Fuck, are you… are we going to… n-now?"

"Hmm. No, not now," Jasper sighed quietly, voice laced with disappointment. He brushed one more time and then removed his hand from the man beneath him completely, looking up at Edward with hooded eyes and a soft grin. The redhead blinked at the strength of the regret that spiked through him when his hand came to rest on his thigh. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself. We unfortunately won't be doing that tonight. I don't have a condom, let alone any lube that isn't years old, and I don't want to hurt you any more than necessary. I wasn't exactly expecting this to happen tonight, you know."

 _I have a condom. Hold on, is he saying I was too eager? Does he think me desperate? I am desperate, but I don't want him to think that! Next he'll be thinking me a needy, whiny little bitch who'll- what is he doing?_

While Edward's thoughts had spun, his anxiety level rising with each panicked judgement, Jasper's head had lowered just a little, his face now hovering over Edward's erection. It looked like he was going to… disbelief and an almost painful hope brought a high flush to Edward's skin as the distraction served to bring he back into the present, his hips bucking up subconsciously. Jasper smirked at the movement. His eyes flicked up to meet Edward's and the redhead's breath caught at the playfulness in them.

"Of course there are other ways other than going to full monty. I've already touched you. Do you want me to show you what else there is?"

His head lowered again and his breath blew over Edward's cock, sending a violent shudder up his companion's spine. Edward's whimper was nearly silent, wordless as his hands fisted the comforter beneath him, his hips rising again. He desperately wanted to tell the other man that yes, yes, he _really_ wanted Jasper to show him, wanted it so fucking much, but in contrast to just moments before, he couldn't get his brain to work enough to form the words. He moved on the bed, anxious once more, and bent his knees, pushing up on his heels and gasping when the tip of his erection came within a whisper of the blond's slightly parted lips.

 _Fuck. Please. Oh God. Please._

That wicked smirk widened. "No words? How can I know you want me to suck you if you don't give me verbal confirmation? Do you want my lips around you, Edward?"

His tongue darted out and grazed the very edge of his head, and Edward's hips snapped as his eyes rolled back. "F-fuck! Jasper!"

"He speaks! But we still don't have that yes, do we? Do you want me to-"

"Yes! Fuck yes, p-please!"

A quiet chuckle. "Okay." Then there was abruptly hot and wet and fuck, fuck, oh my fucking _God_ as Jasper's mouth engulfed Edward's cock, sinking all the way down to the root until Edward was positive he was nudging the back of his throat. He rose again, his lips sealing around the head and _sucking,_ and Edward let out a string of expletives, the pleasure so sharp it was almost raw. His hands flew into Jasper's hair and his hips bucked… and then he froze as his brain intruded and started screaming about him making Jasper choke and suffocate and ultimately pull away.

Jasper's eyes flicked up and a frown compressed his forehead. He lifted his mouth off Edward and said, "Stop thinking so much. If you want to face-fuck me, then face-fuck me. I'll tell you if you do anything I don't like."

Then his lips were once again wrapped around Edward, and it was as if the permission had evaporated Edward's sense of propriety, because all thoughts of control vanished. The redhead's hips surged upwards, a groan echoing through the room, and he began to thrust in short, powerful movements, Jasper's mouth keeping time as his hand wrapped around the base and stroked what his lips couldn't reach. His tongue came into play again, swiping over Edward's increasingly leaking head on every rise. The pleasure grew; tightening and coiling as Edward's hands pushed Jasper's head down to meet his rapidly turning erratic thrusts. He swore loudly, his toes curling.

"Fuck, shit, J-Jasper, I'm gonna… I'm gonna… a-almost, Jesus _fuck._ "

Jasper moaned, the vibrations making Edward yell, and he worked his mouth faster, his other hand moving and jerking and… not on Edward. Wait a minute. Very briefly distracted, Edward glanced down to see what he was doing. His own moan sounded broken as he saw Jasper's hand inside his wide-open jeans ( _when did he do that?_ ), touching himself, stroking in time, his hips arching into his grip… Edward's balls tingled and tightened, the pleasure peaked, and then he was coming into Jasper's mouth, a choked whine falling from peeled lips, the movement of his hips brutal as he released in hot, mind-numbing bursts. He groaned softly as he watched Jasper swallow, the blond licking at him a couple of time before pulling away and staring up at him. If Edward hadn't felt so limp and relaxed, he definitely would've reacted to the fantastically hot look in Jasper's eyes. He sighed in contentment and leaned back into the pillow.

"That was so much better than getting myself off," he murmured, eyes beginning to close. Jasper's chuckle sounded strained as the mattress shifted.

"I should fucking hope so. Don't you fall asleep on me, Edward. We're not done yet."

"I'm… not," the redhead whispered, trying to pry his eyes open again. He was just so tired. His body was unbelievable sated, his limbs like noodles. For once, his brain wasn't overly active and fretting at him, his thoughts slow and lethargic and stress-free, and hell he _was_ falling asleep. Jasper was pressing against him and still hard and he really needed to wake up so he could do something about that… he shifted and sighed at the softness of the pillow, thoughts fading.

"Christ, you're kidding me. You're one of those, are you? So I have to take care of this myself?"

He pushed his still covered erection against Edward's leg, the movement and the memory of Jasper masturbating while he gave Edward head enough to wake the redhead a little. He strained against the exhaustion pulling him under, eyes opening and closing in rapid succession.

"No… I… can…"

"No you can't," Jasper sighed, and the bed bounced as he flopped back. "Don't worry about it. Sleep; you obviously need it."

The words sounded like they were coming from the opposite end of a very long tunnel. Edward's forehead crinkled.

"But… want to…"

"You can. Next time. I can deal with this myself for now. Just sleep, Edward. I'll be here when you wake up."

There was a quick press of a mouth against his and then the mattress shifted again, the sound of a door opening and closing quickly following. Edward breathed slowly, little snapshots of imagination fluttering through his head: Jasper standing in the bathroom, pulling his jeans down and wrapping his hand around himself, pumping and working and whispering Edward's name, groaning it when he came all over his hand. But even that couldn't stand against the heavy call of slumber. The images melted and came apart, dying into nothingness.

The call won and with Indiana Jones still playing in the background, Edward knew no more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: Own this? The idea; yes, the plot; yes, the characters and anything vaguely recognizable? Nope.

 **Chapter Four**

 _The call won and with Indiana Jones still playing in the background, Edward knew no more._

* * *

 **A/N - Sexual content warning! :) Enjoy!**

* * *

An eerie light lit his surroundings when Edward next opened his eyes. For a long moment, he lay there, squinting at the ceiling above him in confusion; a ceiling he didn't recognise. The light that clearly wasn't natural gave the unknown roof a hint of shadow along its triangular beams, and Edward blinked as he stared, his mind a foggy maze of bewilderment and drowsy relaxation.

The room he was in was warm. His thought processes moving sluggishly, Edward frowned and gingerly flexed his limbs, trying to piece together why he felt so comfortable when there was only a thin blanket covering him. He usually slept with two blankets and a duvet – come to think of it, he usually slept _in_ the bed, not _on top_ of it. Why was he on top of the bed? And not just that; he was on the wrong _side_ of the bed. The redhead was on the right when he usually slept on the left… and where was that light coming from?

The observations started off muddy and dull, confusing him a little but not perturbing him too much, but grew louder and more solid the faster they came to him. By the time it registered to Edward that he was naked beneath the blanket that covered him, the fog was evaporating quickly. His eyes, which had been tempted by the wonderful warmth and relaxation that seemed to have burrowed into his bones and had fallen closed again, snapped open, the memory of the previous evening blasting through the remaining sleep-haze and exploding in his brain.

There was a sigh and a soft, sleepy grunt next to him, and Edward froze, his mind beginning to squawk in disbelieving, panicky little bursts. His head turned slowly.

The light that he still hadn't placed played across Jasper's face in much the same way the moon had. He was on his side facing Edward, the blanket – quilt, actually – covering him up to mid waist. His eyes were closed and his hair was falling over to one side, leaving the side of his face that the light was bathing open and surprisingly vulnerable in sleep. His bare chest moved in a steady up and down motion, breathing deep and peaceful.

Edward stared. He was gorgeous. There was this amazing, gorgeous man asleep next to him and the redhead had fallen asleep long before he had, with that gorgeous man still hard and probably aching, leaving Jasper to deal with his situation himself.

Mortification defied the warmth of the room and chilled Edward's skin in a swift, cascading rush, before heat surged back and burned hotly in his cheeks. He'd fallen asleep. His eyes closed and his hands clenched, his heart thumping wildly. _Why_ had he fallen asleep? It wasn't like he'd been plagued with insomnia recently. He slept better in his bed in his parents' house than anywhere else! He didn't usually drop like a rock into sleep after coming from masturbation, so why had he now? It was humiliating. _More_ than humiliating. What must Jasper think of him?

He needed to make up for it.

The thought had Edward's eyes flying open again. Jasper was still sleeping next to him, still bathed in the light – which was coming from the still running but no longer playing TV, Edward noted when he lifted his head to investigate. He sighed and lay back down, eyes on Jasper's face, his top teeth worrying his bottom lip. Could he do it? Could he wake Jasper up and make him come as hard as he'd made Edward?

Nerves burst through his stomach and he groaned. _No._

 _How the hell do you know that, Edward? You haven't even tried yet!_

 _I can't give him oral sex!_ Edward cried back at Bella in his mind, panic rapidly escalating to hyperventilation. _I don't know the technique! I'll get it wrong!_

 _There isn't an exact technique, you dork, it depends on what the recipient likes! You know that! Besides, who says it has to be head? A hand job works just as well, and I know you know how to touch cock, Edward Anthony. The wall between your bedroom and mine is mighty thin, and you're not as quiet as you like to think you are. Now, calm down, would you? You're not going to be able to do_ anything _if you pass out from lack of oxygen._

The fabrication of his best friend telling him off in his head did more for Edward's climbing trepidation than what he'd imagined her saying did. She'd sounded scarily like a combination of Bella in real life, and his mother, and a wheezy huff of laughter left him, the distraction allowing him to take a couple of deep breaths and calm himself. He sighed and turned over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, his doubts still there but no longer strangling him.

Bella – or a mixture of his inner thoughts and what he thought Bella would say if she were there – was right. He didn't think he could give Jasper 'head'. Not right now. He didn't have the confidence for that and would probably end up biting and drawing blood if he tried, forever putting Jasper off. But he _could_ 'touch cock'. In fact… shit, he wanted to touch Jasper like that.

Really wanted to.

Edward's breath hitched, images suddenly racing through his head. The mattress shifted, the body next to him sighing and shuffling around before settling again, and Edward hardened in a rush, arousal whipping along his skin. His breath escaped in an eager little groan and he turned back to Jasper, getting up onto his hands and knees, the quilt slipping off him.

His shaking hand reached and then stopped halfway, falling down to his side as Edward sat back on his heels, his bottom lip once again caught between his teeth. His heart was pounding and he didn't know where to start. The obvious place would be underneath the quilt and whatever Jasper was wearing on his lower half, but he wanted to _touch._ Everywhere. And besides, Jasper was asleep. He might take issue with waking up to being molested.

 _Perhaps I could coax him awake,_ he thought, eyes running over the bare skin of the blond's torso visible above the quilt. His hand reached out again and the tips of his fingers pressed lightly into the skin of Jasper's bicep.

The other man's skin was warm. Edward drew in a shaky breath and spread his hand out, the heel and palm of his hand making contact and lingering. Eyes fixed on where he was touching the blond, he slowly moved his hand down Jasper's arm, feeling his skin give and the hair on his arm tickle his palm. It was fascinating; like his own, but nothing at all like his own, and needing to feel more, Edward leant forward and replaced his hand with his lips, starting at Jasper's shoulder.

He hadn't really paid attention to the way Jasper had smelt and tasted when he'd been seeking skin under Jasper's collar earlier in the evening. Now, however, the warm muskiness of his skin, just a hint of sweat and under that, a further hint of soap, swam through Edward's head, making it spin. He groaned under his breath, the intoxicating scent driving him on, and mouthed along his bicep, pressing soft kisses onto his chest. His tongue darted out to taste, and going by the way Jasper's breathing changed just a little, sighing and catching before falling back into the rhythm of slumber again, to _tease_ , and he quickly moved closer to the other man, his head dipping to reach Jasper's pecs and stomach.

His hand fell to Jasper's hip and the blond's breathing stuttered, a sound almost like a groan rewarding Edward's efforts. He glanced up to find his eyes still closed and frowned, returning to Jasper's chest, closing his mouth over the nipple he could reach.

More breath hitching, and this time Jasper moved, his torso twisting as Edward circled the nipple with his tongue, pulling it between his lips and softly sucking, enjoying the taste and going by the noises, the way he was definitely waking Jasper up. He eagerly moved to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment, before trailing his lips down Jasper's chest and onto his stomach, catching the hair leading under the quilt in his teeth and giving it a gentle tug. A quiet sound of satisfaction thrummed in his chest when Jasper's body lurched, but his eyes were still closed when Edward looked up to check.

 _He's a very heavy sleeper,_ the redhead thought with a frustrated frown. He nibbled his lip as he tried to decide where to go next, his eyes falling to the quilt.

 _There_ is _one sure way._ With a destination in mind and a slight smirk on his lips, Edward grabbed a handful of the quilt and pulled it down…

And stopped dead when he saw more bare skin instead of clothing and the hard, straining length of Jasper, deeply flushed and eager and with a pearly bead balanced right on the tip, just waiting to slip down the thoroughly awakened appendage.

"You're not going to stop there, are you?"

The voice was rough with both sleep and arousal, and green eyes flew up to see a blond head turned on the pillow, brown eyes just visible under heavy lids, staring at him with an almost shocking heat. Edward's heart boomed.

"You're not wearing any bottoms."

While Edward cringed inwardly, Jasper blinked at the blurted observation, the side of his mouth quirking up in amusement.

"No. I was hoping you'd wake up at some point and didn't want them to get in the way," he said, voice low, still watching Edward's movements keenly. Edward nodded, sucking his bottom lip and glancing helplessly down at Jasper's erection, his eyes catching the sheen left from his tongue on Jasper's abdomen and his mind abruptly replaying the journey his mouth had taken and what the destination must seem like to Jasper. Anxiety bloomed.

He couldn't _do_ that. He just… he couldn't. But now Jasper must think…

"Edward?"

How a single word could convey both inquiry and a healthy dose of need, Edward didn't know, but his eyes rose again to the restlessly shifting man lying beside him, words tumbling through his mind and out his mouth in a disjointed mess.

"I can't… I'm sorry… I can't do- not like you did…"

"Edward, I don't care what you do to me, just as long as you fucking _touch_ me," Jasper groaned, hips pressing forward. "Please, I'm awake now, finish what you started." Heat blazed through the redhead at the request – _demand_ – and his hand moved of its own accord.

"Fuck, yes," Jasper hissed when Edward wrapped his fist around him and slowly dragged it down his cock before rising again, spreading the dribbling pre-come and repeating the movement, starting up a continuous rhythm. His eyes fluttered shut and his pelvis arched up into the other man's hand. Edward could see his pulse jumping against the stretched tendon of his neck, his head thrown back on the pillow. "Oh God. Jesus fuck. Christ, Edward. _Fuck._ "

His hips thrust to punctuate his expletives and the redhead's steady strokes, his hands grasped at the blanket beneath him, and Edward stared in absolute disbelief, thick, heady lust rapidly muddying his thoughts.

It was an unbelievably arousing sight. Besides catching the hidden movements of Jasper touching himself earlier, Edward hadn't yet seen the blond lost under someone's ministrations. Jasper looked primal. Even in the dim, artificial light of the TV Edward could tell his skin was flushed. The muscles under his skin moved, flexing and spasming, and his face was slack with pleasure one minute, then tense and screwed up from the same thing the next. To think that _he_ was making Jasper like that, making him swear and arch and pant and grind… his hips shifted and the hand not touching Jasper contracted, desperate to do the same to himself as he was doing to Jasper.

 _No,_ he thought dazedly, lips parted around tiny, silent little gasps as he gazed at the man he was pleasuring, _this is for him. About him._ He twisted his grip, grazing his nails gently along Jasper's underside, and when the blond moaned and jerked up extra sharp, he failed completely at stifling his whimper, his hips bucking into air in response.

The sound seemed to catch Jasper's attention and his eyes opened, dark, blown-wide gaze latching onto Edward's jutting erection and rocking hips. His brows drew together.

"Come here."

"What?" Edward blurted, hand pausing. Jasper let out a gusty groan at the lack of movement, his pelvis rolling in Edward's grip. Lids fluttering again, he licked his lips, eyes glued on Edward, his hand shooting out to grip the redhead's forearm and tug.

"Come here," he repeated, voice so hoarse it was almost gravelly. "We can do this…" another roll elicited another groan, which brought forth another desperate, friction-seeking buck, "…together."

"B-but I'm supposed to… it's your turn!"

He frowned at the breathy chuckle, the sound light and carefree and seemingly out of line with the atmosphere, but Jasper was speaking again before he could mention it. At the same time, the hand on his arm tugged a second time, and distracted by the strange chuckle, Edward lost his balance and fell forward onto the bed beside the blond. Jasper turned his upper half back around and Edward blinked at suddenly finding himself looking directly into the other man's eyes.

"One of the hottest things when I was sucking you, Edward," Jasper murmured, pulling Edward closer so that their foreheads were nearly touching, a hint of a grin tugging at his mouth at the bewilderment on the redhead's face, "besides your cock in my mouth that is, was your face when you came. Can you blame me for wanting to see that again?"

"But I fell asleep," Edward whispered, half of his mind focused on the conversation and the other half – two thirds, three quarters – on the precarious closeness of his groin to Jasper's. His hand was still wrapped loosely around Jasper's cock, and if he inched his midriff forward, he'd be brushing his own knuckles… wide eyes were drawn down at the thought, his mouth opening.

His eyes went even wider when Jasper's hand wrapped around his hip and lifted his leg, pulling it up over his own, a soft, startled "oh," falling from parted lips when he _did_ brush his own knuckles. He would have looked up at that quiet laughter again, but he couldn't seem to look away from his hand and his cock and Jasper's cock-

"Open your hand, Edward. Around both… that's it. Yeah, that's it. Fuck, that's good."

Jasper's hips moved, his cock slid along Edwards, and Edward had the random, distant thought that it was a good thing his hand was so big before the slick, slippery, blisteringly hot feel of his cock against Jasper's shut his brain down. He let out a stuttering gasp and began to move in tandem, hand gathering the copious amounts of pre-come and aiding the glide.

It was unlike anything Edward had ever felt. The heat pumping from Jasper's body against his, the scent of his sweat, Jasper's continuous exclamations, it was all making his head whirl. The friction, the pressure, the rapidly climbing _ache_ had his heart slamming, and his hips picked up speed, Jasper matching him. His head fell back as a moan left him, his other hand on Jasper's chest scrambling, almost clawing.

"That's… a-ah! Oh shit… fuck, Edward… that's what I want to see. Y-you're so goddamn hot… God, p-please, Edward, please, faster, please, please, please, _please!"_

Edward's eyes flew open. Jasper's glassy-eyed gaze was locked on him, white lines bracketing a mouth that showed bared teeth, and the instant green eyes met brown, he reached out to grasp the back of Edward's head and jerk it forward to cover Edward's lips with his in a messy, open-mouthed kiss. His tongue slipped eagerly into Edward's mouth and wrapped around his own, deliberately stroking it in time with their blurring thrusts, needy whines echoing in Edward's ears. The redhead moaned and parted his lips further, losing himself in the warm wetness of Jasper's mouth and the snapping of their hips.

 _I don't think I'll ever get enough of this._

The pressure reached a crescendo and Edward was coming with that thought in his mind, his lips abruptly leaving Jasper's and his body going rigid. Pleasure exploded through him, to splash over his hand and his and Jasper's stomachs, something almost like a soft wail starting deep in his chest and pouring from his throat. There was a strangled " _fucking_ _hell_ ," from Jasper, the end melting into a moan, and then his hips were stuttering and jerking, and gradually stilling and there was more warmth running down Edward's hand and cooling on his body, reaching as far as his breastbone. The blond blew out a long, satisfied sigh and relaxed back on the pillow, and then there was silence for a while as they both attempted to gather their wits.

Edward opened eyes that had closed when he heard another one of those chuckles.

"What's funny?" he asked, voice soft and raspy, eyeing the other man. Jasper sighed again and a slow, wicked smile spread across his face.

"You sure know how to make up for something, don't you?" he murmured, still laughing quietly. Edward frowned at the reminder.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"I'm not," Jasper replied, grinning lazily and turning just enough to pull open the bedside drawer and take something from it. "Not if it ends with you doing what you just did. That was quite the experience."

He placed the box in his hand down on the bed between them and then proceeded to pluck out tissue after tissue, calmly cleaning up Edward's chest and then his own, before attending to Edward's hand and arm and their softened groins. The action was completely commonplace; one Edward had performed many times himself, albeit without a partner to clean up. But for some reason, Jasper seeing to the task threw Edward completely. He stared in utter bewilderment.

"What?" Jasper asked when he looked up. Edward swallowed and shook his head, not knowing why he suddenly felt so… not uncomfortable. Out of sorts, maybe? He shook his head again and closed his eyes against the feeling, his lids cracking when Jasper moved off the bed to dispose of the used tissues, then falling shut once more when he came back.

He was tired. Not as tired as earlier on in the evening, definitely not as bone-meltingly drained, but still pleasantly lethargic. Hoping that sleep would make that unknown, edgy feeling under the lethargy disappear, he tried to let the tiredness take over and drop him into sleep.

"Hey."

A hand touched his chin. Edward opened his eyes.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes," the redhead answered quietly, watching Jasper watch him. "I'm just tired."

The other man didn't look convinced. "All right," he said with a frown after a moment, climbing back on the bed and reaching for the remote to turn the blank TV off, before pulling the quilt back over both of them. "If you say so. So... goodnight, I guess."

He settled down and closed his eyes, and disappointment washed over Edward when his breathing quickly evened out into the slow, steady rhythm of slumber, shock at his disappointment rapidly following. He hadn't kissed him.

Edward had really wanted a kiss goodnight.

The tiredness vanished and Edward's brain woke up. He turned over onto his back and stared into the dark, Jasper asleep next to him, that uneasiness swirling through his gut and his mind piecing things together.

The disappointment of Jasper not kissing him before he went to sleep. The intimacy of Jasper cleaning him up. That thought when they were… that thought. His stomach knotted and he squirmed.

 _I don't think I'll ever get enough of this._

Wasn't this only supposed to be one night? A way for him to get over Jasper? To move on, so that he could meet someone else, to have what both his biological parents had and his adoptive parents have now? To fall in love?

So why did it feel like what he was aiming to move on from was now more solid and unmoveable than ever?

Anxiety burst through his chest and Edward pressed a hand to his churning stomach, mind storming. Jasper didn't want him. He wanted him in the sexual sense, or at least he had that night, which didn't mean that he'd want him in the morning now that the edge had been taken off, but he didn't _want_ him. Not in the relationship sense. He'd been more than eager for a one-night stand, but that was it. He hadn't mentioned anything beyond that. Even Edward couldn't misread those signals.

Did Jasper even expect him to be there when he woke up?

The cons built, his heart hammered, and Edward sat up, his hand still clutching his stomach. Besides, even if he did want him, how would a relationship work? They didn't even live in the same city; hell, maybe not even the same state! They were both students and neither had the money to travel to see the other. It _wouldn't_ work. No, he needed to meet someone more accessible and a lot closer to home, and staying the night would just make that harder, wouldn't it? He'd wake up to Jasper's smile, or that dirty grin, or to Jasper kissing him like he'd wanted him to before he'd gone to sleep, or to his laugh or even that chuckle, or to his warm brown eyes watching him, or to his curls in disarray, or to sharing breakfast with him and not wanting to leave or for their time together to end, or, or…

His heart gave another funny little jump, just like it had in the forest when Jasper had looked unsure, and Edward was off the bed, his breath racing in his lungs. He couldn't wake up with Jasper. He couldn't. It wouldn't be right. Wouldn't be fair. To either of them. He'd fallen for Jasper; had in fact fallen years ago, and that night had just solidified that fact rather than dissolved it. He was far too close to losing his heart to something that was never going to be and he couldn't… he couldn't…

He just couldn't.

It took a minute for him to locate his clothing in the dark, but after a lot of desperately quiet shuffling, he had his glasses on and everything piled in his arms and was moving in a crouch towards the door. He paused a couple of times to check Jasper's breathing, and once satisfied the blond wasn't going to wake up, he crept from the room and dressed as quickly as possible in the hallway. The rest of the tiny apartment was as dark as the bedroom had been, and Edward only just stopped himself from running into the coat hanger at the front door. He stepped back from it at the last second and reached for the doorknob, stepping into the even darker stairwell on the other side and carefully climbing down, before jogging through the yard and back across the road to his parents' house.

If he glanced back in indecision a couple of times during his flight, nobody knew it but him.

~0~

"You're being stupidly stubborn."

Bella accompanied that statement with a petulant glare and her hands planted on her hips. She was standing by the window in Edward's childhood bedroom, her head turning from watching out the window into the street to scowling at him and back again. Edward's fingers jerked on the controller of the PlayStation he'd had since he was fourteen when she rounded on him, the pause causing the little blue hedgehog to miss his jump and the game to restart. He grimaced in frustration and concentrated back on the game, ignoring the girl on the other side of the room as best he could.

It'd been three days since he'd left Jasper's in the wee hours of the morning, and his best friend hadn't stopped harping on at him since.

"He's leaving, Edward. Like literally leaving. He's just finished packing his car and is now pacing in front of it, arguing with himself by the looks of it. Going by the number of times he's glared in this direction, he knows you've holed yourself up in here, and he isn't happy about it."

His heart was thumping and his stomach a knotty, squirmy mess, just as it had been since he'd left Jasper's room. Edward pressed his lips together, trying to focus on nothing but Sonic and getting his through and around the many obstacles in his path.

"You're just going to let him leave?"

A quick glance in Bella's direction had him just as quickly looking back at the TV. He had to clear his throat before could answer with a soft but firm, "yes."

"But _why?_ " Bella burst out, throwing up her hands in the age-old sign of exasperation. "He _likes_ you, Edward! Quite a lot, I'd say! You're going to let one night be it when there's potential for more? I don't get it!"

"It was only ever supposed to be one night," Edward said, voice quieter than before, attention locked on the video game. He stomach twisted and tightened and he clenched his teeth. "It was only ever supposed to be a way for me to get over him."

"Why would you want to get over him when he _clearly_ isn't over you?"

"He did not ever state that he wanted more than sex," the redhead said, his voice somehow harsher with the lower, matter-of-fact tone. "He was willing to sleep with me, but he did not for one moment say he wanted our interaction to continue past mutual satisfaction. So there's nothing for him to get over."

Bella groaned. "Because you didn't give him a chance, Edward!" she snapped, glare intensifying. "You left the middle of the night! I'm actually surprised you could be that ill-mannered! And how can you say that there's nothing for him to get over? He's _pacing_ , for God's sake!"

"He's pacing because he's angry, because leaving the way I did _was_ disrespectful, but I didn't see any other way." Edward flicked another quick glance at his friend, the calm way he was speaking belying the buzz of nerves under his skin. "It had to leave; it was for the best. He hasn't come over here to see me, has he? My whole aim with Jasper was to put this tiresome crush behind me. I went about it in a completely unexpected way, but I did go about it. Now it's time to move on."

"So you're saying that if Jasper had walked into this house and asked you to be his boyfriend, you would've said no, because you've gotten what you wanted and have fucked away your feelings for him?" Bella demanded. Edward winced at her terminology before sighing and opening his mouth to agree… only to find that he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He scowled and turned back to his game, annoyed that that lie was just too big to give voice to.

"Didn't think so," his friend said, the comment more wry than irritated. She sighed and turned back to the window, suddenly stepping closer to it and frowning. After a moment, her shoulder sagged.

"Well, it looks like you've lost your chance. He's gone."

Sonic died when Edward's fingers tightened on the controller so much, the toggle slipped from underneath his thumb and bounced back to hit his knuckle. His stomach swooped and his head turned, ignoring the music that was telling him the game was restarting.

"He has?"

"Yup," the brunette answered, frowning at him. Edward's stared back for a moment before his lips twisted and he turned back to the game.

"It's for the best."

Bella sighed. "Christ, you're an idiot," she said, rubbing her temple with her thumb and pointer finger. "A loveable one, sure, but an idiot all the same. I'm going to take a shower."

She was at the door when Edward spoke again.

"Some of us aren't brave, adventuress souls like you are, you know."

Bella turned and pinned him with a look. "Some of us are too stuck inside our own heads for our own good," she replied and then left the room, leaving Edward sitting there, staring blankly at the TV, trying to figure out what the hell she'd meant.

* * *

 **A/N - Just one final chapter to go! Let me no what you think, and don't forget to look me up on Twitter under sableunstable. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: I own my angst and my apparent need for it. I do not own Twilight or anything recognizable.

 **Chapter Five**

 _Bella turned and pinned him with a look. "Some of us are too stuck inside our own heads for our own good," she replied and then left the room, leaving Edward sitting there, staring blankly at the TV, trying to figure out what the hell she'd meant._

* * *

The club was crowded. Edward stood at the edge of the dance floor, his hands in the pockets of his again-forced-on-him jeans, rocking back on his heels as he surveyed the teeming mass of bodies with a raised, barely tolerant eyebrow. It was 'ladies night' at Volturies, which didn't at all mean what the name would lead you to believe.

Or it did, if you wanted to be stereotypical.

Out of the many, many couples dancing to what could be termed as music – if you liked a bouncy, hyperactive beat and the same words repeated over and over, which Edward didn't – 90% of them were the same sex. Women grinded on women and men rubbed against men. It was a twice-monthly ritual at the popular nightclub, one that catered more towards the overworked student crowd, the relaxed atmosphere, cheap drinks, and the security and safety provided by strict rules, friendly and reliable staff, and familiar cliental, drew like bees to honey.

Of course, no system was perfect. Hence why Bella had been able to get Edward, her friend Angela and herself past a bouncer carding people, by flirting heavily and then actually passing on her phone number. When Edward had turned to her with a look of disapproval, all she'd done was roll her eyes and shrug.

"What? Garrett's cute. Turn that frown upside down, Mr Cullen. We're here to let loose, aren't we?"

The statement had only caused Edward to frown more, and when they'd gotten inside the club, he'd outright refused to approach the bar. Bella hadn't seemed to mind, commenting that they'd probably get carded up there as well and they didn't want to get kicked out. She'd then dragged Angela onto the dance floor – after trying to drag Edward, who'd held up his hands and firmly stepped back – and the two girls hadn't moved from there since.

Edward really should've been following their example and at least trying to enjoy himself. The first month of the new school semester had been extremely busy, and Edward had spent a lot of it either in class or in his dorm room, studying what he learnt in class. He was working towards a PhD in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science and it was already harder than the previous year. He therefore should've been embracing the opportunity to see something other than his dorm or a classroom, even if going clubbing definitely wasn't his preferred activity. His protest had been vehement when Bella had suggested it, but he'd found himself being dragged along anyway.

His best friend didn't know how to take no for an answer.

The redhead grimaced inwardly as his eyes fell on two men at the edge of the crowd who were all but having sex with their clothes on, the way they were dancing. Though public displays such as that weren't something he'd be caught dead doing, they did emphasize a point that'd been running through his head since he'd walked in the door. He was at a nightclub, a gay nightclub for that particular night, and as such, he really should've been a lot more open to looking back when he recognized the occasional looks of interest that had been coming his way all evening.

There were plenty of good-looking men at the club. Edward was single and free to do whatever he liked, and according to Bella, what better way to let off some steam and de-stress then to catch someone's eye? And although he'd never tell her, as it would probably lead to more disastrous blind dates, to a point, the redhead agreed, which had been the underlying reason why he'd allowed Bella to get her way and drag him with her and Angela.

There was just one problem. And it was a pretty big one in Edward's opinion.

He couldn't get Jasper Hale out of his head.

How was it possible to miss someone after only spending a handful of hours with them? Edward sighed and retreated further from the action, turning away and then flushing and quickly looking down when he unintentionally caught the gaze of a nicely built black man, who looked him up and down and sent him a lazy grin. When he wasn't thinking about schoolwork, he was thinking about Jasper. Sometimes – _a lot of the time,_ his mind whispered – he was thinking about Jasper _instead_ of thinking about schoolwork. It was frustrating. He was supposed to have moved on from his high school crush, and yet he jerked off every night to the memory of Jasper saying his name, begging him, straining and moaning and coming all over his stomach. And to make matters worse, it wasn't only the sex he missed.

Edward missed _him._ He missed _Jasper._ Keeping a watchful eye on Bella and Angela, he found a bare strip of wall and leant back against it, a lone figure in a sea of drunk, mating-crazed students. He didn't even know Jasper; not really. But he found he missed what he did know, and he cursed his heart for giving that funny little jump whenever he thought of Jasper's exuberant smile, or the way he looked in baggy jeans, or the way he'd rambled as if nervous when he'd let Edward into his apartment above the garage. He even missed seeing the amusement and indulgence in his eyes when Edward didn't understand something or misinterpreted social cues. And since no matter how hard he tried not to let it get to him, seeing that so much of that from everyone, Bella included, bothered him more than he let on, he would've though that'd be the last thing he'd miss.

His mouth pulled and he pushed himself away from his perch. A quick check of his phone showed it was close to eleven, and abruptly deciding that he'd battled it out for an hour or so and that was absolutely long enough, he moved to pull Bella and Angela off the dance floor and force them back to the dorms.

He didn't see the dark figure blocking his way until he ran into him, nearly knocking himself over.

"Ooof! Sorry, I didn't mean… Felix?"

"Hello Edward," Felix Valvani smiled, steadying the other man with a hand on his shoulder. "Long time no see. No need to apologize, it was my fault. I saw you and wanted get over here before you left. You had that look on your face like you've had enough."

Blinking rapidly in surprise, Edward stared at the second-generation Italian who he'd dated a couple of times six months ago, had kissed and who'd never called him after. His sudden appearance was a little bewildering – _or maybe it isn't,_ he thought, taking in the black t-shirt and slacks worn by the Volturies staff. What _was_ bewildering was that the 6'7", well-muscled, dark-haired man seemed to know his facial expressions enough to tell when he wanted to leave.

He wasn't _that_ transparent, was he?

… _and it's not like you don't wear your sexual preference on your sleeve…_

Frowning at thinking about Jasper _again_ , he hitched a nervous smile on his face. "Ah, yes, I was about to get Bella and go. You work here?"

"I do," Felix confirmed, cocking his head and looking at Edward in a way that made him shift on the spot. "I've just finished my shift. I can't convince you to hang around for a while, can I? Catch up?"

"Catch up?" Edward repeated, confused. He tried to subtly inch back, only to find his patch of wall had been claimed be a frantically kissing couple who didn't look like they'd be coming up for air anytime soon. "Um… s-sorry, but I don't understand. You never called me. Why would you want to catch up now?"

Felix's smile turned sheepish and he rubbed the back of his neck with one large hand. "Yeah, okay, fair point. You still go straight to it, don't you? Sorry about that. At the time, I wasn't over my ex and I didn't want to mess you around. But he's long out of the picture now and… you're not seeing anyone, are you?"

Astonishment had Edward's eyes going wide. "N-no," he stuttered, swallowing hard when Jasper smirked at him and fluttered his fingers along his collarbone in his mind's eye. Felix grinned widely at the answer.

"So one dance won't hurt, will it?"

He held out his hand and Edward stared, indecision twisting in his stomach. This was exactly what he'd been hoping his time with Jasper – _stop thinking about him!_ – would lead on to. He knew Felix; had enjoyed his time with him, and though their chemistry had been semi non-existent, that semi was important, wasn't it? Wasn't that something they could work on if need be? He didn't have sexy blond curls or dark brown ey- _goddamn it, stop!_

Frustration collapsed the indecision. He looked up and met Felix's hopeful gaze. "No, it wo-"

"Sorry, man, his dance card's full."

A hand gripped his shoulder and spun him around, and Edward's heart went into a full Irish jig, slamming against his chest and pouring inconceivable heat into his face. His voice fled and he gaped dumbly.

"Close your mouth, Edward, you'll catch flies," Jasper commented dryly, something under the words that sat at the very edge of curt. His expression was unreadable, but his hand was still on Edward's shoulder, and as his eyes flicked once more over that shoulder, Edward's brain suddenly kick-started with a splutter and a roar. More heat set his cheeks alight.

 _Felix. Fuck._

He turned and opened his mouth with no clue what he was going to say, but the Italian beat him to it. Blue eyes were sharp on Jasper for a moment before he turned to Edward with a quiet smile and resignation painted across his face.

"So I'm thinking of someone else when we first go out, and now that I'm not, your mind's occupied. Figures. Don't worry about it, I had my chance. Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Um…" Edward frowned, befuddled and anxious. The hand on his shoulder tightened for a brief moment and then moved, running slowly down his arm and wrapping around his hand, sending a jolt through Edward's gut. He swallowed and looked at Felix helplessly.

"Or maybe not," the taller man murmured, watching the exchange. He smiled again and gave a single, decisive nod. "I can take a hint. It was good to see you again, Edward. If you suddenly become… unoccupied, you know my number."

He turned and disappeared back into the crowd that Edward had forgotten about, the music sounding loud in his ears. Edward watched him go, not knowing what he was feeling, then hurriedly looked over when a finger tapped the back of his hand.

Jasper didn't say a thing. His expression was still bland, nearly blank, but his eyes were locked on Edward, though the redhead couldn't tell if that was a good or a bad thing. He opened his mouth and then closed it, frowning in distress, once again having no clue what to say.

Actually, he did. He managed to find enough of his voice to whisper, "what are you doing here?"

Silence was Jasper's answer. The other man stared at him for so long, Edward's heart felt like it was going to fly out of his chest. Abruptly his lips pressed into a line Edward for some reason didn't like, and he turned and began to walk away, panicking the other man until he realized that his hand was stilled in Jasper's and the blond was pulling him with him. His mind spinning, he followed.

As they approached the door, a single though managed to make it through the blanketing shock and confusion. He tugged on Jasper's hand and glanced back into the crowd.

"B-Bella, um, she's-"

"Taking a cab back to her dorm right now."

Confused green eyes flew to the man in front of him. How did he know that? Jasper didn't elaborate, didn't even look at Edward, and Edward couldn't find his voice to ask. He cursed himself in his head for following along so willingly, docilely even, but couldn't bring himself not to follow, keeping silent as Jasper walked out the door, past Garrett the bouncer who'd let the three of them in on the promise of a date with Bella, and strode along the street with Edward trailing. He stopped half a block away from the club.

He stopped at a motorbike.

The redhead's eyes were as large as saucers as Jasper fished out a key to unlock the small brass locks on each of the large saddlebags, pulling a helmet out of the one closest to them, and another helmet and a leather jacket out of the other. Edward blinked at the riding equipment, looking at Jasper in bewilderment, and for the first time noticed with a look of appreciation that he was wearing a leather jacket of his own, and… _oh my God._ Edward's mouth went dry as his imagination ran wild and his groin stirred.

Leather pants…

"Put these on."

Knocked out of his fantasies rather rudely, Edward blinked again and focused on the jacket and helmet Jasper was holding out to him. His heart jumped into his throat.

"Oh no, no, no, I-I can't-"

"Edward."

Edward's mouth snapped closed and his breath released in a great rush of air. Jasper was watching him placidly – too placidly; the redhead was really beginning to dislike not seeing the normally extroverted Jasper – and still holding out the helmet and jacket. Biting his bottom lip, he slowly reached out and took them.

"You'll go slow?"

"Of course."

With that even reply, he turned and swung his leg over the seat until he was straddling the bike, and a minute later saw him with his helmet on, the visor down, and the bike rumbling ominously – _sexily_ , Edward's traitorous mind corrected – beneath him. He sat and waited, not looking in Edward's direction, and Edward frowned, slipping on the jacket that was too big for him and fumbling with the straps before managing to do up the helmet, removing his glasses and tucking them into one of the jacket's pockets. He took a deep breath, pulled the visor down and clambered on behind Jasper.

It was strange. The bike vibrated under him, which wasn't doing anything for the situation that had started below his waist when he'd seen what the blond was wearing, but it wasn't uncomfortable – or at least it wasn't until Jasper grabbed the hands resting lightly on his hips and firmly wrapped Edward's arms around him, jerking the other man flush against his back. Edward gasped and squirmed when his pelvis and hips all of a sudden cradled Jasper's leather encompassed and tightly stretched backside, the pressure swiftly making him fully erect. In front of him, Jasper stiffened, but didn't say a word. Nor did he try to move away or push Edward back. He just put the bike in gear and pulled out into the street.

~0~

Edward couldn't say whether he enjoyed the ride or not. Although if he had to guess, if anyone else had been driving, he probably wouldn't have. That might have had something to do with being the passenger and not being in control of the bike, but at that moment, as they moved through heavy traffic and along dark streets, Edward couldn't concentrate on being on the back of what his father had always considered a death trap. His brain was awhirl with conflicting thoughts and feelings, his stomach twisting and clenching, mirroring his endlessly questioning mind.

What was Jasper doing there? How did he know Edward had been at the club? Was that just a coincidence? If it was, how'd he know that Bella had left? And where were they going anyway? Was Jasper angry? Did he want to have sex again? Edward's chest tightened uncomfortably at that thought. He didn't think he could do that. Not that he didn't want to, but… not when he didn't know what Jasper was feeling. And speaking of which, why wasn't he talking? He was talking, but he wasn't _talking_ , not like he had in Forks. Was that Edward's fault? Did he really upset him that much by not staying until morning? Why did he come after Edward and pull him out of the club, and why did Edward let him?

The questions went around and around. Edward was so caught up in them that he didn't realize the bike was stopping until the engine shut off and Jasper sat up. He blinked and shook his head, looking around and taking in the driveway they'd pulled into, set far back off the street, the bike now sitting beside Jasper's Camaro, with a bright yellow Mini parked behind them.

"Where are we?" he asked quietly once both men had removed their helmets and Edward had his glasses back on, the squat building to his right that looked halfway between an apartment and a townhouse catching his attention. Jasper threw him a quick, inscrutable look and climbed off the bike.

"My place," he replied, that little touch of curt back in his tone. Edward's head whipped towards him, expression startled.

Jasper _lived_ here? He _lived_ in Cambridge? But… why hadn't he _told_ him that?

"You didn't stick around long enough to find out, did you?"

The softly spoken, utterly calm statement hit Edward like a punch in the gut. His mouth fell open and he sat frozen on the bike, gaping again, his stomach and his chest and his mind a twisted, tangled, _sick_ knot of regret and confusion and regret and shame. More than a little shame. He felt the colour drain from his face, and for the first time since the blond had interrupted Edward and Felix at the club, something other than nothing flickered through Jasper's eyes.

Edward didn't know what it was, and it was gone too quickly for him to figure out. The other man inhaled slowly, his spine straightening, and then he turned and walked towards the house without saying anything else, soon getting lost in the deep shadows between the driveway and the backdoor. Panic had Edward's limbs unfreezing, his heart rate accelerating, making him throw himself clumsily from the bike and sending him after the blond.

He'd hurt him. He'd hurt him. Edward may not have been able to read between the lines like most of the population, but that one fact from a single sentence had somehow managed to make it through the skewwhiff connections in his mind. He'd hurt him. Knowing that, the redhead found he couldn't stand the fact that he'd hurt Jasper. Guilt raged, his heart pounded and his breathing increased. He'd never _meant_ to hurt him. He hadn't known he could, because he hadn't known that Jasper had wanted more than sex, and he'd panicked because of what _he_ was feeling, and living far apart had seemed insurmountable when it really hadn't been because Jasper actually lived in the same city he did, and nothing had gone to plan and he'd lost all control, and he shouldn't have been feeling that much from a single night in bed and… _fuck._

His jolted to a stop, his phone was in his hand and his fingers were flying over the keys.

 _I don't think I can do this!_

The reply came less than a minute later.

 _Yes, you can. I didn't go to all the trouble of organizing this for you to flake out now. Trust yourself, Edward, and be prepared to grovel if you have to. The fact that he went along with my plans works well in your favour. Turn off your phone and focus on the mega-ass apology you owe him, okay?_

Edward frowned, his apprehension benched as annoyance took its place. _You and I are talking tomorrow._

 _Looking forward to it. Turn your phone off, Edward. I'll see you 'tomorrow.'_

"Are you going to stand there and text Bella all night?"

Edward's head snapped up, apprehension surging back. "N-no," he answered, flicking his phone off and searching the darkness in the direction Jasper's voice had come from, "no, I'm not. Where are you?"

He jumped when a hand wrapped around his own for the second time that night. He didn't understand why Jasper was touching him so much. If he was upset and angry with Edward, shouldn't he have been avoiding touching him as much as possible? Edward swallowed heavily and let Jasper lead him into the house.

Another distressing dose of clarity hit him the instant they walked into the main room. A feature wall donned the opposite end of the room, and the main colour – the _only_ colour – was crimson. Sweatshirts and scarves and little mini flags were stuck to the wall, and above all of it, from one diagonal corner to the other, a large banner announced exactly what school the house's occupants went to.

 _Harvard._

Edward's head turned in disbelief. "You go…?" he whispered, a headache beginning to pulse behind his eyes. Jasper watched him in silence and nodded.

"I'm in my fourth year of a Doctorate in Business Strategy. Something else you would've found out if you'd stuck around."

"And I do believe that's my cue to go to bed."

Both men turned at the Cockney accented voice and Jasper winced, something like a blush tinted his cheeks. "Shit. Sorry, Jane. You don't have to leave; we can go to my room."

"No, it's all right, I'm sick of this anyway," the tiny female said, getting up from the desk she was studying at and gathering her books. She turned and swept her gaze over Edward in a curious once-over, a pale brown brow rising. "Are you the reason why Jasper's been a whiny, mopey little git lately?"

"Ah…" Edward spluttered, dumbfounded, eyes flying to Jasper, who was suddenly glaring the woman who was most likely his roommate. Jane pursed her lips and waved her hand in dismissal before he could think of anything else to say.

"Never mind, 'course you are. Glad to see you've worked it out. Just, if you're going to shag all night in celebration, try and keep it down, yeah? Got an early start in the morning, and Alec bringing girls home day in and day out is enough to put up with all the bloody time."

She scowled and began to mutter under her breath, furious comments like 'slapper of a brother' and 'it's just wrong to hear that, but does he listen?' floating across to Edward, whose face was a blazing red. The closing door down the hallway off the living room cut of her muttering, and then Edward was alone in the room with Jasper, the silence heavy, and sort of expectant, and utterly painful. The redhead stood there and twisted his hands in front of his stomach, his heart pounding against his chest.

He hated the silence. He hated the way Jasper was looking at him, calm and steady. He hated the way Jasper wasn't smiling, and he hated not knowing why he was there, because there had to be a reason why Jasper had brought him back to his place. And it can't have been for the apology Edward owed him, because Edward didn't know whether Jasper wanted an apology.

He had no clue what was going on, and it was messing with his head. However, he _did_ owe him an apology, whether he wanted one or not, so… he took a deep breath.

"I-I'm, um, I'm r-really so-"

Green eyes rounded in shock when Jasper moved, closing the distance between them in what seemed like half a step, and fastened his mouth over Edward's in a hard, almost brutal kiss.

* * *

 **A/N - I suck at estimating how many chapters will be in a story. Or maybe I suck at letting plot run away from me, lol. Whichever it is, know that this is once again, not the last chapter. The next one will be the last. It _will._ ;) Let me know what you think! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: I's do not own's Twilight's.

 **Chapter Six**

 _Green eyes rounded in shock when Jasper moved, closing the distance between them in what seemed like half a step, and fastened his mouth over Edward's in a hard, almost brutal kiss._

* * *

 **A/N - Obviously there will be sexual situations in this chapter. And fluff. Just a tiny bit of fluff. ;) Enjoy!**

* * *

Edward felt the kiss in his toes. The unexpected and potent sensation of Jasper's mouth covering his bolted like electricity through him, demanding his attention and destroying thoughts of apologies, and wrong and right, and trying to break through stony walls - taking him over entirely. The breath backed up in his lungs and discharged with a shocked snort through his nose, his body weaving on the spot. Jasper's lips were bruising; overpowering his already shaky equilibrium and shoving Edward back a step with their force.

It was a step that Jasper readily followed.

He crowded as close to Edward as he could, forcing the redhead back again and again, until he backed solidly into the wall. It was then that Jasper speared a hand through the short hair at the base of his neck, before squeezing his neck, prying his lips open and diving his tongue inside.

Brutal didn't even begin to describe it. Jasper kissed him like he was trying to pull the very breath from his body. He devoured Edward's mouth, barely giving him a chance to respond. The redhead tried his best, heat screaming through his blood, fistfuls of leather anchoring Jasper right where he was, pressed against Edward as Edward was pressed against the wall. The need was suffocating, and Edward whimpered, breaking away briefly to recoup and then going back in for more.

Breath was stolen, teeth clashed, tongues winded together and were immediately sucked. Lips crushed, pressing until they ached from the pressure, and when Jasper rolled him hips, scraping pulsing erection against pulsing erection, Edward's brain exploded. He moaned, embarrassingly loud and long, and Jasper growled low in his chest, his teeth sinking into Edward's bottom lip.

Hard.

The sharp spurt of pain was shocking, and scandalous, and dreadfully arousing, and while it ramped up the lust crawling through the redhead's veins, it also had another effect. Edward's mind had gone into full retreat almost from the moment Jasper had captured his mouth, but now a tiny, separate little part sat up and began to pay attention. While Jasper dragged his tongue over the hurt before finding home back in Edward's mouth, it noted and categorized the way Jasper was still squeezing the back of Edward's neck – a little too hard for comfort. And as Jasper pressed closer still, and gave another very deliberate jerk of his hips, it replayed that growl – the only sound a usually vocal Jasper had made so far, one that'd sounded desperate, but also a little more aggressive than the situation warranted. And when Jasper finally let them breathe, his other hand leaving the wall and seizing a handful of Edward's hair to wrench his head back in a way that's almost violent, then attacking Edward's neck and biting _again_ , it began to murmur, and then say, and then _shout_ about the force of the kisses, as if Jasper was trying to force something himself.

It began to shout about the intent bubbling under Jasper's actions, and the subtle detachment hovering around him, despite the strength of his kisses. Which Edward would clearly see, even though he didn't normally see, if he just stopped getting lost in the craving that scorched him, and the feeling of rightness that drifted low and all but unnoticed, below the desire.

Edward's eyes sprang open and he swallowed, trying to force enough air into his lungs to make his voice work. His thoughts were slowly demystifying his brain, something Jasper wasn't helping by sucking on his neck hard enough to leave a mark. His breath hitched and his head lolled back with a groan at the steady draw of Jasper's mouth.

 _Enough. Stop this._

Blinking, Edward's hands stopped pulling and started pushing.

"J-Jasper. Ah, s-stop. We have to… we have to stop."

There was the briefest of pauses. "Why? You want it."

It was spoken around Edward's Adam's apple, Jasper having moved his attention. And there was a hard, almost _off_ quality to the sentence that had alarm bells ringing loudly through Edward's head.

"Not this. Not like this," he panted, pushing harder, putting some strength behind it so that it was an actual push. Taken by surprise, Jasper detached with a slight stagger and looked up, watching the way the redhead's chest rose with his rapid breathing with an air of calculation.

There was something else there as well, buried deep in Jasper's eyes. Something that the snarl, the rough treatment, and the actual advance had all been symptoms of.

 _Anger._

"Not like this? But this is what you want, isn't it?" Jasper asked evenly. Edward sucked in great lungful's of air and tried to calm his racing heart.

"I don't… I don't know what you mean."

Jasper's brow rose. He folded his arms across his chest and tilted his head in an inquisitive manner. "How can you not? Just sex, right? No strings, no attachments, no emotions. Isn't that what you're about?"

Horror has a way of killing the mood. It rose in Edward in a wave, setting his heart sprinting for an entirely different reason than moments before. He gawked at the man standing in front of him, a flush of cold chasing out the heat, that little part of his mind whispering that that had basically been what he'd told Bella the night had been about the day Jasper had left Forks.

He'd been lying then. He'd known it and Bella had known it. But the thought that he'd successfully given Jasper that impression…

Shit, Bella was right. He really was an idiot.

" _No_!" he gasped, short of breath and desperate to correct the assumption. "I'm not! Not, not with you! Not with anyone, but especially not with you!"

"Why _especially_ not with me, Edward?" Jasper demanded sharply, his calm façade wavering all of a sudden. The anger that'd been buried deep began to shove its way into the foreground. "You wanted to fuck me. You made that perfectly clear. And once you had, once you'd gotten what you wanted, you hightailed it out of there. That doesn't sound like I mean anything to you than a way for you to get off."

"I didn't… I said… you said… I've wanted you since I was twelve! I just… I panicked and… I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Stop that!" Jasper snapped, making Edward jolt at the furious bite in his tone. "Don't you dare use that nervous, vulnerable shit on me! You knew _exactly_ what you were doing, so don't revert back to type now!"

"No, no, no, please, you have to understand!" The panic was almost debilitating. _Almost._ However, if he didn't get some space, some air to pull himself together, the almost would vanish, and Edward would mess things up even more than he already had. He pushed himself away from the wall and scurried around Jasper, his eyes falling on the Harvard feature wall. He couldn't control his wince.

 _Oh yes, the world's biggest fucking idiot._

"Look," he said, turning to see Jasper's eyes narrowed on his every move, brows drawn down and lips pressed together firmly enough to create white lines around his mouth. His hands twisted and fidgeted, unable to keep still "I-I know everything I say is going to sound like an e-excuse, but please just listen. Please. I'm sorry I left, I'm so sorry. I s-shouldn't have done that. It was cowardly. But that's what I am, really, a coward. And I need words spoken, and you hadn't said you wanted anything more than a one-night stand-"

"You were the one who was insistent we sleep together, Edward!" Jasper cut in, scowling fiercely at the redhead. "It was your idea! I just wanted to spend time with you, and then ask you out to dinner in Cambridge or something, but you tossed that plan out the window! Fuck if I was going to say no to sleeping with you! I just thought we'd get to the asking out portion the next morning, but you weren't there!"

"I'm not blaming you!" Edward hastened to say, cursing the way his voice cracked. "I know this is my fault! I'm the one who left-" he paused there and swallowed hard, the admission he knew he needed to make harder to say than he thought it'd be, "-ran. I'm the one who ran. I-I was… scared. I was scared. I am scared. Terrified, and it doesn't make any sense, because I shouldn't have been terrified after only one night, but spending the night with you and enjoying you, and enjoying _spending time_ with you, it made the situation worse!"

Agitation swelled, and Edward began to pace to try to work it off, his chest tight and his gut churning, the words pouring out as if a bottle had been uncorked. Even caught up, he was aware of Jasper's eyes on him – watching him – the entire time. "This wasn't supposed to happen! I was supposed to get over you! But it hasn't worked, because I can't stop thinking about you, and wishing you didn't live in another city or state, and wishing I'd had more courage in high school so that I could've had more than one night, because I want that! I want more than one night! I do! I want you, and that, that, it sent me running, because I thought I couldn't have you, and I was _positive_ you didn't want _me_! Because you never said you did, for more than sex! And I couldn't hang around because waking up to you would've made me fall harder, and it would've wrecked me if you'd said you wanted me to leave, and I couldn't have handled spending one night and wanting more and then both of us leaving for other sides of the country if you didn't! I just couldn't!"

"There is such a thing as a long-distance relationship," Jasper interjected, his voice still hard, but somehow a lot less furious. Edward spun towards him, heart slamming.

"I _know_ that! Have you _met_ me? I stress over the least little things, and at the time, that idea seemed impossible! It was a massive obstacle, bigger than it really was, and I couldn't see a way around it! I wasn't thinking, and I liked you so much more than I should've without knowing if you liked me, and I freaked out, and I left. I left. I'm so sorry I left. _So_ sorry."

He was panting by the time the words ran out. Jasper stared, wordless, and Edward stared right back, feeling like he was on the brink of an anxiety attack. Having not experienced one since he was thirteen, a year after the his parents had adopted him, he abruptly turned and sat down on the floor, up against the wall again, his head back and his eyes closed, the stableness against the back of his head helping him concentrate on regulating his breathing since the space hadn't worked. He really didn't want them back in his life.

"I'm sorry I also gave you the impression that I only wanted sex," he said in a quiet voice after breathing in slowly, counting to seven in his head and then slowly releasing the breath several times, his eyes still closed. "I just never thought I'd have anything with you at all. I guess at first I got carried away and focused solely on that, and then after…"

"You freaked out."

"Yes," Edward agreed, blinking open his eyes and swallowing. "I did. I'm really sorry."

Jasper was standing in the middle of the room. Edward studied him owlishly, trying to read his expression. The blond man continued to stand there, not saying anything for what seemed like eons, and Edward was just beginning to think of finding a way back to his dorm when he let out a long sigh and walked over to lower himself down beside the redhead.

"You know, you're really hard to stay angry at."

Edward blinked. He sat, feeling bewildered, his head turned towards and his eyes on Jasper, who kept his gaze on the empty room, his legs bent and spread and his forearms resting on his knees. His mouth opened, and then closed, and he continued to sit, more than a little stumped.

"You're… not mad any longer?" he very tentatively asked after a long moment of stupefied silence. Jasper frowned slightly.

"I didn't say that," he replied, "I just said that you're hard to _stay_ angry at. You upset me, Edward. I think I have a right to be angry."

"True," Edward whispered, hope making his stomach fluttery. The two men sat in the singly lit room, the silence back, stretching in a way that wasn't tense but wasn't exactly comfortable either. Jasper still hadn't looked at Edward, and he certainly hadn't smiled.

Edward wanted to see that smile.

The need had a sudden frantic edge, and Edward's eyes fell once again on the crimson wall. Parts of the argument that hadn't registered before did now, and Edward flicked the man next to him a hesitant look. His Adam's apple bobbed.

"Jasper?"

Surprisingly, his voice didn't shake. Jasper didn't acknowledge him verbally, but something in his body language told Edward he was listening. In any other situation, Edward would've patted himself on the back for seeing and recognizing so many everyday tells, but at the moment he was more worried about putting the final pieces together.

"How did you know I lived in Cambridge?"

Blond brows drew down. "Bella told me-"

"No, not that." Edward shook his head as he cut the other man off. The brows that had dropped sprang up, but Jasper still didn't look at him. "You said you were going to ask me to dinner in Cambridge. Like you knew I lived here already, before Bella stuck her nose in. How did you know that?"

For a long while, Edward was sure the blond wasn't going to answer. He didn't really blame him. Edward had made mistakes that had ended up hurting Jasper, and now he was asking for explanations from the man. So it wasn't really a surprise that when he did speak, it wasn't the answer Edward had asked for.

Or at least it wasn't _at first._

"I didn't realize I was gay until the summer before my senior year," he eventually said, his quiet voice almost conversational. He spoke to the room, not to Edward, and the redhead couldn't tell whether the fact that he was speaking was going to be a good thing or not. He sat and waited, confused but impatient to know more.

"Rosie, Emmett and I went to Lollapalooza, expecting to just enjoy the music and the atmosphere, a final blowout before we were locked up in Forks High again. Emmett and Rosie did, but me… well, I met someone who was five years older, out, and who saw what I'd been blind to up until then. It was a whirlwind experience to say the least, and I came home finally knowing why I had barely lukewarm chemistry with every girl I'd tried to have a relationship with."

He stopped there and Edward bit his lip and fought the urge to ask if he'd had sex with the man. The hollow burning in his chest wasn't something he's ever felt before. Not feeling it didn't mean he didn't recognize it, however.

Jealousy didn't feel good. At all.

Thankfully, Jasper continued before his need to know overpowered his common sense, and he blurted out a question he didn't really have the right to know the answer to.

"Of course, realizing doesn't mean accepting," he said, playing with his fingers and still not looking in Edward's direction. Edward fought another urge, knowing that reaching out and turning his head towards him so that he could see his eyes would be a bad idea. "I wasn't violently against it to the point that I hated the thought. But I did live in a small town where gossip spread like wildfire, and I just wasn't in a place in my head to freely admit and live the knowledge, no matter what I'd been smacked in the face with. Judgement, whether it's mean-spirited or not, is still judgement. So I pretended that Peter and the three days at the festival had never happened, dated Alice Brandon all through senior year, and ignored the attraction I'd long ago passed off as a strange curiosity I felt for my loner across-the-road neighbour, who wore old man's clothes because his biological father had instilled in him before he died to always look presentable and well put-together, and who's hair was a bird's nest that couldn't decide whether it was going to be red or brown on any given day."

Edward's jaw dropped. The shocked silence called for a cricket to break it, and his hand sprang up to tangle in his hair as he gaped at Jasper, who didn't pay him any attention. Instead, he sat and picked at his cuticles while Edward tried to pull his blown mind back together.

Jasper had been interested in him in high school? No, he'd said attracted. There was a difference. Still, he'd been attracted and Edward had had no clue.

Then again, Edward had thought the man was into women until their time on the rock, so what did he know? Jasper began to speak again before he could even begin to get his head around it.

"You always intrigued me," he said, speaking softer now, but still speaking to his nails, or the curtains across the room, or the crimson wall. It was as if Edward wasn't there, even though he was the subject. "I didn't know why I spent all that time watching and eavesdropping, or even why I _wanted_ to watch and eavesdrop, considering you certainly weren't friendly towards me. You ignored me unless our parents gave you no option, and that made me determined to not want to have anything to do with you as well."

"I didn't want to be any more different than I already was," Edward muttered, eyes wide and locked on Jasper. The blond stiffened a little and shot him the quickest look imaginable, a sharp snap of brown before he turned back to the room.

"The reason why I found you so intriguing finally hit me the first week back in senior year, when I walked into the locker rooms to see you standing there, fully dressed, but clearly just out of the shower." He took a breath and seemed to stiffen a little more, as if he was more aware of Edward beside him. The redhead took a chance and moved a quarter of an inch closer, desperately hiding an ecstatic grin when stillness swept over the man next to him. The hope in his stomach grew. "Ah, your hair… it looked like wet velvet and it shocked me how much I really wanted to bury my fingers in it and drag your head around and kiss you, forcing you to acknowledge me. Where they'd pretty much been nothing before, or so I'd thought, Peter had opened the floodgates. It was the first time I understood _why_ I had a boner, and it definitely wasn't the last."

His voice had lowered; deepened, and Edward shivered, wetting his suddenly dry lips. Jesus.

"But as I wasn't ready for all that yet, I ignored it and you. When I went to college though… things were different. Everyone was more open. Being gay wasn't something to hide in the dark and be mortified about, and my gradual understanding of that led to me breaking up with Alice, though at that stage our relationship was more friendship than romantic anyway, and starting exploring. I went to Volturies a number of times, dated a few men, had a couple of short-term, very casual relationships that I wouldn't even classify as relationships. I accepted it and myself. But I never forgot about the boy back home who'd been out without even really realizing it, and who I wished I'd had the chance to get to know better. It was my ever perceptive little sister who rang me to let me in on the fact that you'd gotten into MIT and were going to be in the same city as me – not that I used that information in the end. What I was doing was fun and easy, and the way you'd acted in high school… I guess everyone has a fear of rejection."

The room was silent again. Jasper's voice had drifted off, sounding thoughtful and a little pensive. Edward had no idea what to say. It didn't sit well that he'd been the reason nothing had happened between them until now. The fact that Jasper had wanted him for as long as he'd wanted Jasper made his stomach squirm, and his nerves and his brain scream. Why did he have to have been such a coward? Had he ruined things by running? God, he hoped not.

"I knew you were home this past summer," Jasper abruptly continued, startling Edward from his reverie. His voice was barely above a murmur, and Edward had to get closer to hear it – well no, he didn't, but he moved closer anyway. "I saw you a couple of times. You and Bella. Your relationship with her was confusing because you looked so close, and you'd never gotten close to anyone before that I knew of. I thought that maybe I'd gotten it wrong all along and you were really straight, or maybe even swung both ways. And then the bonfire happened and you actually turned up, and you were looking and acting surprisingly interested, and I thought I might actually have my shot. But you were gone in the morning."

Edward's heart was pounding so hard, he thought he was going to break a rib. It took a lot of courage to say what he did next.

"Your shot's still available," he whispered into the again soundless room, and finally, _finally_ , Jasper turned to look at him. His eyes were bright with something Edward couldn't identify.

"You don't want to get over me any longer?"

Edward shook his head. "I only ever wanted that when I thought _my_ shot wasn't possible," he murmured, feeling the need to remain hushed. He nervously licked his bottom lip and his breath caught when that dark gaze shot down to follow the movement. "I've always wanted to be close to someone, to have a relationship with someone. I want it so much more with you."

Jasper nodded slowly and looked up to meet Edward's eyes. "And there won't be a repeat of me waking up alone? You'll be there in the morning?"

"Yes," Edward answered immediately, a little part of his brain whispering that of course he'll still be there, as Jasper was his ride home. Thankfully, however, he didn't say that. Instead, he breathed in deeply and reached out, his hand resting lightly against Jasper's cheek. The blond man's stubble tickled his palm. "Yes, I'll be there."

Slowly, so slowly Edward's heart felt like it was going to explode from the anticipation, he leant in, eyes darting between Jasper's lips and his eyes, looking for any signs of protest. He found none, that bright something back burning in the blond's gaze, and then in a kiss that was little more than a soft caress, he angled his head and brushed his lips gently over Jasper's. His hand cupped Jasper's cheek, his lips feather-light, and after another quick check for reaction to find eyes open and watching him intently, he pressed closer, kissing a little firmer. His chest tightened painfully and then burst with that warm, fluttery, hopeful feeling when Jasper's mouth began to mould and give way under his. He was kissing him back.

Edward drew away and stared into darker-than-usual eyes that now looked both fascinated and slightly dazed. He cleared his throat, but couldn't help the way his voice still shook.

"I really like you and I want to be with you. Will you let me?"

Jasper's breath hitched as he released it. Then, he smiled.

"Kiss me like that again and I'll give you anything."

The thrill that shot through Edward was indescribable. He felt his lips stretch into a large smile, and he leant forward again, doing exactly what Jasper wanted him to do. The kiss was a lot less hesitant this time, full of groans and encouraging murmurs from both men, and Edward was as hard as stone, Jasper once again sucking on the spot on his neck, his fingers dancing along Edward's thigh and just a hair's breadth from his erection, when his conscience began to battle its way through the lust. Reluctance acute, he pulled away and his head thumped solidly back against the wall, chest heaving.

"I should g-go before this gets too far," he panted, eyes closed. There was no answer from the man next to him but for the sound of movement.

"I thought you said you were going to be here in the morning?"

Edward's eyes sprang open. Jasper was standing above him, eyes hooded. Edward choked around the sudden obstruction in his throat, nerves buzzing in his head and making his tongue clumsy.

"Y-yes, but, um, we shouldn't… it wouldn't be… I d-don't think we should…"

"You're right, we shouldn't." Jasper agreement was smooth, his head cocking, curls falling over his eyebrows. "And we're not going to. But a bed's original purpose is to be slept in, right? Sex is just a bonus. It's late and I don't want to go out again tonight." He held out his hand, expression almost challenging. "So are you coming to bed or not?"

Edward was on his feet so quickly it had Jasper taking a startled step back. He placed his hand in Jasper's and the blond's eyes crinkled as he grinned, turning towards the hallway and leading the way before throwing a wicked look back over his shoulder at Edward.

"Besides, I'm not finished with you yet, and making out isn't sex, is it?

Edward's lung froze and his brain began to splutter, cranking and whining and eventually falling on a point that he'd successfully avoided dwelling on when it'd first been brought up. His mouth spoke without his permission.

"Did you have sex with Peter at the festival?"

Jasper stopped dead at his bedroom door and turned to stare at Edward in disbelief. Edward closed his eyes, mortified, cheeks flushing hot. It was the laughter that had them flying open again.

"Christ, you're cute when you're jealous," Jasper chuckled, his grin wide and his hand wrapping more firmly around Edward's as he opened the door with his other hand. "Come to bed. It really is late."

A small, relieved, _delighted_ smile crept across Edward's face as the door closed quietly behind them.

* * *

 **A/N - Alrighty, there's going to be an epilogue coming up. An epilogue isn't an official chapter, is it? So I can still say that this is the final chapter? Six chapters and an epilogue? Yes, I do know I'm reaching, lol. Let me know what you think! :)**


	7. Epilogue

**Awkward**

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement here!

 **Epilogue**

 _A small, relieved,_ _delighted_ _smile crept across Edward's face as the door closed quietly behind them._

* * *

 **A/N - A POV switch and sexual content in this chapter. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"…and when he heard, he went ass over heel!"

The table burst into laughter and Edward blinked and looked up at the noise, quickly figuring that he'd missed the punchline. He smiled politely and forced a chuckle that started and ended two second after everyone else, not wanting to offend Emmett by proving he hadn't been paying attention. Not that he probably would've understood the joke anyway, but that was beside the point. Emmett and Rosalie had _made_ a point of inviting Edward out that night – dragging him out, more like – and he didn't want to give Jasper's sister and best friend a bad impression.

 _Why are you worrying so much about what they think? They like you already, Edward, you know don't have to be on your best behaviour around them 24/7. Try to loosen up a little, okay?_

 _Easy for you to say,_ Edward grumbled back at Jasper in his head, his attention again falling on the laminated menu in his hand, _The Lodge_ stamped across the top in faded block letters. _You've known them your whole life. I don't know them at all, and this is the first time I've ever been out with them without you. They're_ your _friends. They think I'm weird._

 _You are weird, Eddie boy,_ Bella stated cheerfully, and Edward wondered, not for the first time, how he'd managed to get close enough to two people for them both to take the place of his own inner voice. _But so the fuck what? It's part of your charm. This is the first time you've been out of the house for more than a trip to the grocers in almost two weeks. Stop being such a stick-in-the-mud._

"Edward? You know what you want?"

Once again startled from his thoughts, the redhead lifted his head to find a waitress who looked no more than fourteen standing by the table with a pad in her hand, the other four occupants looking at him expectantly. He flushed and nodded, putting the menu down. "Um, yes, I-I'll have the lasagne and garlic bread," he said, ordering exactly the same thing he always did whenever he and his parents had visited Forks' only eat-in restaurant. The girl smiled widely, showing a wad of pink gum stuck inside her cheek, scribbled on the pad, then asked if they wanted their drinks refilled and skipped back to the kitchen. Edward's chest twinged uncomfortably as an image of Jasper sitting next to him and grinning in amusement at the energetic girl played in his mind's eye.

It was actually quite ridiculous how much he missed the man.

 _There's_ _only a week to go,_ he reminded himself, smiling slightly and shaking his head when Charlotte, Jasper and Rosalie's cousin, offered him the last breadstick. One week and Jasper would be back. Finally. The blond had spent the summer on an internship in San Francisco, and Edward had only seen him twice over the three months he'd been away; the first when he'd been able to scrape together enough money to catch a flight, and the second when Jasper had actually been able to find the time to catch one himself. Jasper's days were long, and a lot of the time when he made it back to the house he shared with the other interns, all he did was eat, work on the seemingly endless research/homework and then fall exhausted into bed.

It didn't leave much time for calling home. Edward emailed a lot, and texted, and Jasper got back to him whenever he could – often very quickly on breaks, when he was moving from one place to another – but it wasn't enough. They'd been together for almost a year, and two personal visits, daily that'd turned into every other day phone calls, an often less-than weekly Skype session and multiple emails and texts just weren't enough.

Edward _missed_ him. It hadn't been feasible for him to go to San Francisco with Jasper – not only couldn't he afford to get his own place, he'd already signed up for summer classes and had somehow managed to find himself a part-time job when Jasper had been told he'd gotten the internship and would have to relocate across the country for the summer – but at the time that hadn't worried the redhead. Well, hadn't worried him _all that_ _much._ He'd mellowed a little since he'd left Jasper's bedroom in Forks all those months ago, but he still made more of things than he should've, something Jasper did his best to work gently around. He'd assured him that they'd talk to each other all the time and there wasn't anything to worry about. And Edward had believed him.

 _Seven days_ , he thought, sighing. He known he'd miss Jasper, but with believing that the distance between them wouldn't mean anything, he hadn't figured on how _much._ He also knew Jasper felt the same – something the blond had proved two weeks before when he'd randomly rung him at five in the morning and then immediately apologized and told him to go back to sleep, he'd just woken with the need to hear his voice. That'd certainly woken Edward up quickly, and after hanging up an hour later, he'd sat in the bed, in the dark, in Jasper's bedroom at his squat little house in Cambridge that he'd taken over the residency of when Jasper had left for San Francisco, and known that he couldn't remain there alone for another three weeks.

He'd spontaneously quit his job and left for Forks that very day. His parents had invited him down for the town's centennial celebrations at the beginning of the summer anyway, he was just showing up two weeks early.

It unfortunately hadn't done much for easing the ache in his chest. Nothing but Jasper would do that.

"You're like a lost little puppy."

The observation had Edward looking up for the third time, to find Rosalie Hale resting her chin on her hands on the table and smiling at him. The statuesque blonde was three years younger than Jasper, making her a year younger than Edward, and she'd just completed her first year at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York City. Emmett was in New York as well, having followed Rosalie. He was working in construction and both were home for the celebrations, like almost every person that had grown up in Forks and the surrounding areas in the last fifty years.

A year ago, Edward would never have thought he'd know so much about Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale. Then again, a year ago he hadn't known Jasper as any more than his across-the-road neighbour. He eyed the girl, not sure whether that had been an insult or not.

"I am?"

Rosalie nodded, still smiling. Her bright blue eyes studied him curiously. "You are. It's kinda cute." She suddenly sat up and pulled her cell phone from the pocket of her jeans, smiling wider when she flipped it open and read the text. "Buck up cutie, you haven't got long to wait. I promise you."

Now her smile turned a little sly, and Edward found his eyes narrowing. Did she know something? What did she know? Why didn't he know it? Was something going to happen-

"Can we help you?"

Emmett's overly polite voice broke Edward from his thoughts, and he turned to see who he was addressing, a puzzled frown creasing his brow when he saw who it was.

"No, I just… Cullen, can I talk to you?" Jacob Black asked in a rough voice. He was standing with his hands behind his back and his eyes focused on the window above their heads. Edward's brows winged.

"Um… okay?" he replied, confusion colouring his tone. Jacob nodded, then abruptly turned and headed for a booth on the other side of the room.

"You don't have to go over there if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine," Edward muttered, getting up and shaking off Emmett's hand. "I'll… I guess I'll be back in a minute."

 _Hopefully sooner_ , he thought, unease spreading through his chest as he walked across to join the boy who'd bullied him for years – a boy who was now acting extremely out of character.

~0~

The 'Welcome to Forks' sign lit brightly in the beam of the headlights, and Jasper let out a long, exhausted sigh, relief haunting the edges. He'd been driving for nearly two days straight, and his body felt like it was made of lead; weighty and cumbersome and almost as if it didn't belong to him. His eyes stung from tiredness and his head felt floaty, and as he hadn't eaten all day, he wasn't sure if that was from hunger or fatigue. But he was almost there and a little exhaustion wasn't going to stop him now.

He smiled as he imagined the look on Edward's face when he saw him. He'd missed his boyfriend outrageously in the last three months, and when his internship had ended a week before it was meant to due to unforeseen circumstances, he'd taken the opportunity to grab a rental and motor his way across the country to Forks, where a text from Edward two weeks before had told him he'd be. He'd texted his parents and sister to let them know he was coming, but he'd deliberately kept Edward in the dark – he'd really wanted to surprise him. And winding his way through the streets of his hometown, towards the place he'd celebrated nearly all of his childhood birthdays, his chest tightened with anticipation. He honestly couldn't wait to see him.

Their time together hadn't been easy. Edward's detrimental impulsiveness and deep-set insecurities had played a larger role in their relationship than Jasper would've liked, and at times it'd taken quite a bit of patience to get through to him. But Jasper had persisted because he'd _wanted_ the relationship, and it wasn't like he didn't have his own set of insecurities. It'd taken a while for him to stop waking up expecting Edward not to be there, after all.

They'd taken it step by step, talked about everything they could, and enjoyed every last minute of it, despite the occasional argument and more than occasional misconception. And they were still together a year later, something that he knew still bewildered Edward.

Now him? He was proud of that fact.

He turned into the parking lot of The Lodge and pulled the car to a stop, taking a moment to rest his forehead on the steering wheel and pull himself together. He wanted a proper reunion with Edward that night, and to do that, he needed to be able to stay awake. A smile tugged at his lips at the memories that thought brought back, and he climbed out of the car, swaying just a little at the head-rush when he stood up straight. Bile flooded his mouth, and after a moment of breathing through his teeth, he pressed his lips together and swallowed it down determinedly.

 _Come on Jasper, you can sleep tomorrow,_ he thought, squaring his shoulders. Tonight there was Edward, and he wasn't going to give that up for anything. Spine straight, he walked towards the door and opened it, eyes quickly finding Emmett and Rosalie, and his cousins Charlotte and Benjamin, but not finding Edward. He frowned, noting his friends and family members were frowning as well, their attention focused across the room. He followed their gazes and his eyes widened at what he saw.

Edward was sitting with Jacob Black? What the fuck? His brows pulled down further and he began to make his way towards them.

"…I know that you're secretly attracted to me, but I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend."

Jasper stopped dead and groaned inwardly as right at that moment, an unexpected hush fell over the crowded diner and Edward's words echoed through the room. The hush deepened, turning unnatural, and Jacob's eyes widened, his skin flushing a dark, motley red. Humiliation rippled across his face and his gaze darted around the room, flushing further when he saw the shock, laughter, and greedy expectation in the faces of the restaurant's patronage. His face twisted into an all too familiar nasty sneer.

"You sick fuck! That's disgusting! As if I'd ever want a weird, abnormal freak like you; who the fucking hell would?!"

"I would."

The words were out before Jasper knew he was going to say them, and with what seemed like half the town watching him, he strode across the restaurant towards Jacob 'asshole' Black and his stunned speechless boyfriend. He caught both his sister's and Emmett's grin as he passed, but ignored them. Anger was thrumming through him, the Quileute its target. He stopped at the booth and leant forward to plant his hands on the table, getting right in the younger man's face.

Not a man. A _boy._

"I let you get away with harassing Edward a year ago because he was pretty damn good job of taking care of himself. But that was too far. Where the fuck do you think you get the right to say something like that to him? He's worth twice of anything you'll _ever_ be, you bigoted, narrow-minded, son of a bitch. I know that you're trying to make up for having a tiny dick by being a monumental jackass, but even an inadequate cocksucker like yourself should be able to figure out that you'll _never_ get as lucky as I have."

He stood back and grabbed Edward's arm, pulling him up and slipping his hand in the other man's, grinning in his head at the saucer-sized eyes and slack jaw. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home to have sex with my boyfriend. Have fun jerking off to that image tonight, dickhead."

Emmett's laughter boomed across the room, and as Jacob sat there, fish-mouthed, red-faced and sweating, and the crowd began to mutter and snigger amongst themselves, Jasper turned and tugged an unresisting Edward towards the door. It swung shut behind them and the uproar inside was cut off. The parking lot was silent.

"J-Jasper?"

Or not. Jasper's grin was outward this time, and he turned towards the squeak, only just making Edward out in the dark. "Hi."

Trembling fingers touched his cheek. "Y-you're here?"

His grin turned into a laugh and he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the man, kissing him hard and not nearly long enough. "Yeah, I'm here. I've missed you."

There was a lengthy pause. Then, just when Jasper thought he'd have to shake Edward from his stupor…

"Jasper."

Edward breathed his name, making the air catch in the blond's throat, and then they were kissing again, long and deep and much more satisfying. Jasper groaned and pulled him closer, opening his mouth wide and eagerly welcoming Edward's tongue. His taste was as addictive as ever, and it made his heart slam and his head swim, and desperately made him want more. They broke apart only when oxygen became essential, and Jasper rested his head against Edward's chest, breathing heavily, a little surprised to find they'd migrated into the shadows of the building. The redhead was now leaning against the wall.

He smiled when he felt fingers card through his hair. "What are you doing here?" Edward whispered hoarsely. His fingers moved to trail down the back of Jasper's neck, sending a shiver down his boyfriend's spine.

"The entire office ended up with food poisoning, so we finished a week early," he murmured, head surprisingly still swimming. Edward's fingers stilled and he jerked Jasper back. The blond blinked and shook his head at the abrupt movement.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Jasper replied, squinting. A headache was beginning to bloom in his temple. "I was on the phone to you and didn't have any of the catering. I'm just tired. It's been a long summer."

Edward frowned, eyes roaming over his face for a long moment. "You're pale," he said softly, the back of his hand rising to rest against Jasper's forehead, "and hot. You're more than just tired. You're sick."

"I'm not," Jasper protested weakly, leaning into the hand, the warmth making him realize he was shivering. When did it get so cold? "I already said I didn't eat anything."

"Yes, you've probably been doing that a lot. You haven't been taking care of yourself."

The comment sounded vaguely accusing, and Jasper frowned. This wasn't the way he'd pictured their reunion. "I've been busy. But that's done now. Can we go home?"

"We're going back to my parents' house so my father can take a look at you," Edward muttered. "Where are your keys?" Hands searched his pockets and plucked the keys out, coming close to a part of Jasper that he really wanted Edward to touch. Surprisingly though, there wasn't any reaction from his body. "Come on, let's go. You need to lie down before you fall down. Which car's yours?"

An arm slipped around his back and then they were moving, Jasper answering and frowning absently, both at the non-reaction and at his boyfriend's tone. Was Edward annoyed? He couldn't quite tell. His head was all cloudy and lying down actually did sound pretty good to him at the moment. Not that he was going to admit that. He shivered when another chill ran through him, and Edward muttered under his breath, too low for Jasper to hear, hitching the other man up higher.

"I'm opening the door. Can you get in? There you go." He leant over and snapped in his seatbelt, and Jasper impulsively lifted his mouth to press against Edward's cheek, the kiss a lot sloppier than he'd intended. Still, Edward paused. His head turned and his gorgeous green eyes met Jasper's through the lenses of his ridiculously cute glasses.

"Don't be angry with me," Jasper murmured, and a reluctant smile touched Edward's lips. He shook his head.

"I'm not. I'm worried. I don't like that you're sick."

"I'm not sick. I just need a little sleep."

A single brow rose and Edward's lips twitched again. Jasper really wanted to kiss them. "Right. Well, let's get you to a bed so you can sleep then."

 _I can think of other things to do in a bed than sleep,_ Jasper thought hazily, heavy lids half-closed over eyes that watched Edward close the door and walk around the front of the car to the driver's side. He belted himself in and started the engine, body confident and hands sure on the wheel. His hair was nearly black in the darkness, the lack of light having bled the red from it, and still a thick, just-fucked mess that had _always_ sent Jasper's imagination running wild, even at fourteen when the ambiguous figure sucking his cock in his dreams had been sexless, but had sometimes had frustrating flashes of piercing green eyes and chaotic bronze hair. Jasper swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly dry, a tiny bit of stirring happening below his belt.

Yes, he could _definitely_ think of other uses for a bed.

"We're here. Can you get out on your own?"

Jasper looked away from Edward and blinked, bewildered. That'd been quick. He didn't remember the drive. Should he have remembered the drive? He pressed his lips together and shook his head to try to clear it, fumbling with his belt and opening the door. Turning in the seat, he pulled his aching body out… and the world tilted sickly.

"For fuck's sake, Jasper!"

A very warm body wrapped around his and Jasper sighed, burrowing in closer. "Hot," he muttered, not sure if he was referring to himself or Edward. The redhead grunted and then they were somehow moving again, stepping into a house that was a _lot_ warmer than outside had been. Jasper shivered.

"Dad!"

The blond winced at the volume of the shout. His head was pounding.

"Edward? What happened?"

"He's sick. I think he's really sick. He almost passed out in the driveway. You have to do something!"

"Okay, calm down, let's get him up the stairs and into bed. Esme, can you bring me the emergency kit please?"

"Of course."

Edward shuffled around so that he was back at Jasper's side and another arm wrapped around his middle. Then he was being hauled carefully up the stairs. Colours blurred, sweat slid down Jasper's neck, and he sighed gratefully when a soft mattress was under him, his head on a pillow that smelt comfortingly familiar. His body relaxed.

"Edward," he whispered, face turning into the material

"I'm right here. What's wrong with him, dad?"

Hands that weren't his boyfriend's touched his face and body, lifted his eyelids and felt along his throat. Questions were asked that Jasper tried his best to answer, but sleep was tugging at him deeply, and he wasn't entirely sure if his responses were understandable. His eyes fluttered closed and the voices muffled.

He had one last thought before he sunk completely.

"Edward?"

"Still here," his voice murmured. A hand brushed back his hair and Jasper sighed.

"Stay."

The bed shifted and lips briefly touched his. "I'm not going anywhere."

Then the world was lost.

~0~

The next week was basically a blur to Jasper. He slept most of the time, waking only to eat and drink the copious amount of liquids Edward forced on him, and to use the bathroom. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew other people were coming and going, Dr Cullen, his parents, Rosie, and Em being the main culprits, but he was too sick to acknowledge them. Because he _was_ sick. Even he had to admit that. The flu had caught him unawares and had knocked him squarely on his ass.

Through it all, his boyfriend hardly left his side. And towards the end of his sickness, that one fact ended up making Jasper miserable.

Although his body was far too drained to react to Edward physically while he was sick, that didn't stop his mind from venturing further and further down that path as he slowly got better. Lucidity, it seemed, came with a price that was driving Jasper insane. Edward was being utterly platonic, barely even kissing Jasper on the lips, and Jasper wanted so much more than that.

 _Fuck,_ did he ever want so much more than that.

It was enough to give him a complex. He'd been looking forward to sleeping with Edward again for over a month, and now it didn't look like it was ever going to happen. Did Edward even still want him? He knew he was being stupid and making too much of this, something that was usually more Edward's area of expertise than his, but Jesus, he hadn't so much as _sensed_ any desire from the other man. In the past, Edward had always been eager for him. _Always._ Now, however, he was acting more like a nursemaid than a boyfriend, and if he was honest with himself, it was actually scaring the crap out of Jasper.

He sighed as he sat up in the bed, feeling clearer and more focused than he had since he'd arrived in Forks. His strength was coming back to him, and with it, his ability to get and sustain a hard-on. His cock stirred now, just thinking about the for-once absent redhead, and Jasper looked forlornly down at his lap as the blankets slowly tented.

Christ, he wanted to fuck his boyfriend. But Edward wasn't interested, was he?

Emotion pinched through his chest, making it hard to breathe for a moment. Jasper pressed his lips together and threw the covers back, getting carefully out of bed. He needed a shower, as he was sure he stunk to high heaven, and he'd be damned if he was going to waste one of the first good erections he'd had in a week.

He'd taken care of himself before when Edward hadn't been able to. He'd just do it again.

 _Yes, but he doesn't actually_ want _to this time, does he? There's a difference._

His chest pinched tighter. Jasper bared his teeth and ignored it, walked into Edward's ensuite, dragged the curtain back and turned the shower on. He pulled off the pyjama bottoms someone had changed him into, his erection bobbing with the movement and making him hiss. He stepped in the instant the water was warm, not bothering to close the curtain.

It only took a couple of minutes to wash his hair and body, the bathroom filling with thick, aromatic steam that drew forth a deep groan from Jasper as the scent of Edward surrounded him, seeping into his pores and spiking his arousal to what should really have been impossible levels. Cursing himself for the oversight, his fist immediately wrapped around his cock and stroked firmly, twisting at the head, his body leaning forward through the spray, supported by the arm above his head against the tiles. His hair was dripping around his face, water was pouring over his back, and his eyes were squeezed shut as images danced through his mind. He swore breathlessly and stroked again, legs trembling.

"Edward," he groaned, hand speeding up. Then, suddenly, something caught his attention; a sound, a breath, a _moan_ , and his head snapped around.

Deep, dark green eyes stared at him, lips parted. Edward was standing in the open doorway, eyes locked on Jasper's hand, palming himself through corduroys that looked tighter than they'd been when he'd put them on that morning. His tongue darted out to lick his lips and Jasper groaned again, the sound drawing Edward's gaze up to his face.

The silence between the two men stretched for several long, drawn-out seconds, and then Edward began taking off his clothes.

Jasper didn't look away from him once as Edward fumbled his way through getting undressed. There was something in his chest that was trying to break free, something he thought that if he let escape, would bring him to his knees. He combatted the feeling by leisurely stroking himself and watching his boyfriend, who obviously still _did_ want him, going by the way he was frantically pulling at his clothes. His hand began to speed up again as more skin became visible, until Edward was standing naked before him, his flushed cock standing as well, looking silky and swollen and so fucking delicious that it made Jasper's mouth water.

He wanted that cock in his mouth. His fingers tightened and his hips jerked, ripping another moan from him, his orgasm beginning to build _much_ too prematurely. He closed his eyes and tried to regain some semblance of control.

Wet warmth engulfing his cock blew that thought right out the window.

Jasper's eyes flew open, his legs almost buckling as he stared down in disbelief. Edward was on his knees in front of him, his lips stretched lewdly around Jasper's length, head sinking and rising, sucking for all he was worth. The redhead didn't give head often, as it was still an insecurity he somehow hadn't managed to conquer, so it was fucking special when he did. Jasper groaned and stepped back a little, bracing both of his hands against the tiles and giving Edward more room.

The sight was breath taking. Jasper stared at Edward, his hips repeatedly bucking, sharp-pointed pleasure coiling through him, clenching further with every movement of Edward's mouth. Since Jasper's body was blocking most of the water, only dribbles were reaching the redhead, and Jasper watched, fascinated, as drops rolled across Edward's shoulders and down his back, disappeared from sight along his stomach, and bigger streams gradually soaked his hair, making it look like that wet velvet he'd once described it as. Edward's skin glistened the wetter and slipperier it got, and if the blond dropped his gaze to look between his bent legs… Jasper's breath hitched and shuddered.

He was beautiful like this. Hell, he was beautiful anyway, but on his knees, aroused and willing, Edward Cullen was fucking _gorgeous._

"Oh… God… Edward, faster… please… shit _… Edward…_ "

Edward's mouth worked more quickly, his amazing eyes looking up at Jasper through spiky, wet lashes, and Jasper's head rolled back, his thrusts turning erratic. He was going to come, fuck, fuck, he was going to come, and it was going to be a big one. It was going to drain him. The heat built in his balls and his hips snapped wildly, and _fuck_ , he didn't think his legs were going to hold him up much longer-

Suddenly a thought exploded in his brain and Jasper jerked backward, pulling himself from between Edward's lips, falling against the opposite wall. His breath raced from him like a steam train, and he clutched at his head, eyes closed, as the orgasm drew back to hover, his cock throbbing in time with his screaming pulse.

"What's wrong?"

Jasper's eyes cracked open to see Edward standing up under the spray, frowning at him. His lips looked red and puffy, and just seeing them almost had Jasper coming again. He groaned and snapped his eyes shut.

"I-I'm pretty positive that I only have one of those in me for the time being, so when I do c-come, I want it to be inside you."

"Oh."

The word was a low and decidedly husky, and when Jasper opened his eyes to meet his boyfriend's gaze, he found a look so hot, it revved him right back up again. A whimper fell from his lips and slowly, Edward smirked.

He _smirked._

"The bedroom. Now," Jasper gasped, and then both men were rushing from the tub and bathroom, almost forgetting to turn the shower off, and not even bothering with drying themselves in their haste. They fell on the bed in a tangle of wet limbs and desperate groans and frantic meeting of mouths. Both were too worked up for much more foreplay, however, and it wasn't long until Jasper found himself on his back with Edward straddling him. He looked at the other man questioningly.

"You've been sick," Edward murmured, hair still dripping, taking Jasper's cock in hand and sitting back, lining himself up. "You shouldn't overexert yourself. I'll do… all… the _work_."

He moaned, long and low, and Jasper gritted his teeth, his hands clamping onto Edward's wet hips as he pressed up and in and the man slowly sunk down on him. "No lube?" he gasped, and Edward shook his head and rocked his hips, face twisted.

"N-no time. Water's enough. Want you – oh _fuck_ – want you now."

"Fuck, Edward, you feel amazing," Jasper groaned as inch by gradual inch, Edward seated himself fully, his balls resting in Jasper's pubic hair. He moaned again and wriggled to adjust, tongue peeking out and breath panting, and then he blinked open his eyes to meet Jasper's reverent gaze. He smiled.

"Move?"

"It doesn't h-hurt?" Jasper countered, swallowing hard. Fuck yes, he wanted him to move. Edward shuddered and gave a jerky little shrug, still smiling.

"It's okay. I just… it'll be better if I… do this."

He rose slowly and pressed back down, and Jasper head arched back with a cry, mouth gaping, those tight, hot walls dragging along his length sending his brain scrambling. Edward's breath caught, a hissed " _yes,_ " escaping from between his teeth. He rose again, and again, and then again, picking up and setting a fast rhythm that both of them appreciated. Jasper's fingers dug into Edward's hips and he rolled up to meet Edward's down strokes, thrusting into the redhead feverishly.

It was perfect. It was divine. And fuck if he wasn't going to last much longer, because Edward was so goddamn _hot_ with his tongue still poking out and his face screwed up and one hand braced on the bed, the other on Jasper's shoulder. He threw a little extra roll into his hips and Edward's jaw went slack as his eyes shot wide.

" _Ugh_ , fuck, right there, god, do that again!"

"Kiss me and I will," Jasper whispered, and Edward's mouth was on his immediately. Their tongues mimicked what their lower bodies were racing towards, Jasper angling to hit that spot inside Edward over and over and over, and then Edward was moaning into his mouth, his untouched cock pulsing, coating Jasper's stomach and chest, his body locking and clutching at Jasper in a way that had him shouting. Jasper's hands tightened enough to leave bruises on Edward's hips, keeping the man in place as he thrust one, two, _three_ times and _finally_ came, jerking inside his boyfriend with a rush of release so intense, it blacked out his vision for a second.

He stirred a little while later, Edward still lying on his chest, boneless. "What happened to me doing all the work?" the man eventually murmured, shifting a little and pressing his lips to Jasper's shoulder. The blond grinned.

"Couldn't help myself. You were just too fucking sexy."

Edward snorted a little and Jasper felt him smile against his skin. "You want to talk about sexy?" he whispered, moving his mouth up and running his tongue along Jasper's neck. The man beneath him shuddered and lifted his chin. "You imagine walking into the bathroom to see the man you'd been lusting after for a week, in the shower, touching himself with your name on his lips." He pushed himself up on his arms and Jasper found himself staring into still blown-out eyes, Edward's lips a breath away from his. "Now _that's_ sexy. I'm glad I finally got to see it."

The redhead frowned when Jasper didn't say anything. "What is it?"

At times, it still surprised Jasper how the normally oblivious man had come to know the nuances of his expressions so well.

"You've wanted me all week?" he asked, unable to help how dubious he sounded. Edward's frown deepened and he sat up, the movement forcibly reminding Jasper that he was still inside the man.

"Of course I have," Edward said, looking down and seemingly noticing the mess on both their chests for the first time. He shifted, possibly to get some tissues to clean them up, and paused when he felt what his movements were doing to Jasper. His eyes widened. "Already?"

"Probably not," Jasper sighed, shaking his head. "As I said, I'm probably only going to have that one in me for a bit."

"But that doesn't mean you can't look hopeful," Edward nodded, shifting again, both of them groaning softly when he pulled himself off Jasper. He climbed off the bed and stood for a moment, regaining his balance, before pulling his suitcase from under the bed and removing a half-used box of tissues from it. Jasper smirked.

"You've been busy."

"You've been away," Edward pointed out, face flushing. His eyes looked so innocently sheepish that it had Jasper's heart turning over in his chest. He was sure his smile was rather goofy as Edward climbed back on the bed and quickly took care of the evidence of their exploits. "Why would you think I haven't wanted you all week?" he asked once the job was done and he'd settled back down into Jasper's side, pulling the covers over them. Jasper shrugged a shoulder, feeling uncomfortable.

"Didn't seem like you did," he muttered, staring at the ceiling and noting how quiet the rest of the house was. Edward's parents must have been out.

 _Thank god for that_ , he thought, grimacing at little. He hadn't even thought of it in the throes, but now he realized exactly how embarrassing it would have been for Dr and Mrs Cullen to have heard them.

He blinked and looked around when a hand cupped his chin. Edward was frowning again. "You've been sick. I've been trying to make you better," he said, his simple, direct way of speaking making Jasper smile.

He was such a contradiction, Edward Cullen was. Open and honest and sweet and so damn cute when he was confused, which was a lot of the time. And then he was almost shockingly attractive, with his hair and those fucking fantastic eyes, and his skinny body that was nearly all bones and angles and shouldn't have been attractive at all, but was. Man, was it. Edward had very little muscle mass, but what he did have was smooth and hard and strong and _masculine._ His legs and back were wonderful, his thighs made for gripping Jasper's waist as he thrust into him, and then there was what was _between_ his thighs…

Jasper grinned at the thought, picking up one of those big hands and playing with the fingers.

And to top it all off, there was the way Edward was around _him._ The way he opened up, the way he swore more and wasn't so prudish or such a stickler for the rules, how free with his emotions he was. Like now. It was clear he was getting frustrated because Jasper wasn't elaborating, and Jasper leant across to kiss him, realizing exactly how much of an idiot he'd been.

Edward was very single-minded when it came to something he cared about. Of course he would've been concentrating on getting Jasper better.

"Don't worry about it, okay?" he said quietly, kissing him again and pulling back. "I was being stupid. It's nothing."

Now Edward looked dubious. "Okay," he said slowly, eyeing Jasper. When all the blond did was smile, he pursed his lips and lay back, his head on Jasper's shoulder.

"So are you going to tell me what that little incident with the asshole was about?" Jasper asked, changing the subject. And as easily distracted as Jasper knew he would be, Edward's brow creased again.

"I'm not sure," he said, watching Jasper lace and unlace their fingers together on his stomach. "He wanted to talk to me, and then he was apologizing for the way he'd treated me, which was strange, and I thought…" his mouth puckered and remorse swum into his eyes, "well, I thought he was going to proposition me, and I guess I panicked. I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't think."

He fell silent and Jasper pulled him closer. "Hey," he said, lifting his chin. "You had every right to tell him you weren't interested."

"Not like that," Edward whispered, shaking his head in denial. "Not in front of everyone, and not said the way I said it. I humiliated him. I didn't mean to."

Jasper frowned, not really liking where this was going. "You're not going to try to apologize, are you? Not after what he said to you in return!"

Edward sighed. "I don't think he'd accept it if I did try," he said, very softly. Jasper rubbed his arm and tugged him closer still.

"Thank you for that, by the way."

"Thank you for what?" Jasper queried, frowning a little in confusion. Edward looked up and smiled at him.

"For what you said to Jacob," he said. "You didn't have to say it, but I'm really glad you did."

"Little fucker deserved it," Jasper muttered, anger stirring again when he thought of what Jacob had said. He turned to meet Edward's gaze when he realized the redhead was still looking at him. "What?"

"You outed yourself to the town and probably most of the county."

Jasper's brows furrowed. "I know."

"You don't care?"

"No," the blond answered slowly, searching those brightly green eyes. "Should I?"

For a long moment, Edward didn't move. Then something seemed to fall away in his expression, laughter warming his eyes, his shoulders loosening. His hand cupped Jasper's cheek and he ducked down and pressed his mouth to the blond's.

"I love you," he breathed against Jasper's lips, kissing him thoroughly, and just as it did every time he said it, the sentence sent Jasper's heart flying. When he drew back, the blond grinned up at him.

"I love you too," he whispered. Edward smiled widely and darted down to kiss him once more, before settling back into his side. Jasper pressed his lips to the top of his head and then just lay there, enjoying the way Edward was walking his fingers up and down his stomach. An idea hit him out of the blue and he spoke it without thought.

"Move in with me."

The fingers stopped. Edward lifted his head. "I thought I'd already moved in."

"Not officially," Jasper shook his head, studying the redhead. He couldn't read his expression for some reason. "You do spend most of your time at my place, enough to have some clothes there, and you moved in while I was away, but I want us to live together. As in, you don't rebook your dorm room this year, I won't take your name off the lease when we get back to Cambridge, my roommates will be your roommates, you get half the closet space and a fourth of the bills, you come with me if I ever go away again, and I'll do the same if an opportunity comes up for you, my bed becomes our bed, you change your address at MIT when you go back, and everywhere else that matters-"

He stopped rambling when Edward put his hand over his mouth. "I share your life and you share mine?" the redhead asked quietly. Cautiously, Jasper nodded.

His heart slammed in his chest when Edward smiled.

"Okay," he said simply, then laughed and pulled his hand away, replacing it with his lips. They kissed happily, eagerly; so eagerly that Jasper ended up rolling so that he was on top, and thrusting into Edward's thigh with a groan.

"I thought you weren't going to be able to do more than look hopeful?" Edward panted, hands scrambling along Jasper's back.

"Guess I was wrong. When are your parents due back?

"Not for another hour," the other man squeaked. Jasper smirked deviously.

"Then let's make the most of it, shall we?" he growled, latching his mouth onto Edward throat and grinning when Edward enthusiastically agreed.

* * *

 **The End.**

* * *

 **A/N - There we go folks. Now, I just want to take the opportunity to say a massive thank you to all you lovely readers. I've enjoyed this story just as much as you have, and I've cherished every follow, favourite, and comment that let me know just how much you were enjoying it. So once again, thank you! And for the final time (on this story anyway)... let me know what you think! :)**


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